I haven't eaten. He thinks I'm crazy and now doesn't want anything to do with me. Why did this have to happen? I could have lost all my friends and I would have been okay, but I lost him. Not them. I truly lovehim.
People ask me why I'm not eating. It's the same answer as to the question: "Why don't you want to get hit with this baseball bat upside the head?"
It hurts.
11.22.2002
11.21.2002
I take things for granted.
Take my friends for instance. I take their feelings for granted and end up beating them with a stick. It's not fair to them. Atleast he finds me to be a close friend and knows how my mind works. He's wonderful.
Feeling lost? He is truely the love of my life, but he doesn't know. He knows I exist. We're best friends, but I'm good at hiding feelings. Too bad it hurts to do so.
Take my friends for instance. I take their feelings for granted and end up beating them with a stick. It's not fair to them. Atleast he finds me to be a close friend and knows how my mind works. He's wonderful.
Feeling lost? He is truely the love of my life, but he doesn't know. He knows I exist. We're best friends, but I'm good at hiding feelings. Too bad it hurts to do so.
11.20.2002
In Spanish class.
He is next door since he helps all the little 7th graders with their math. He has better things to do. Why does he waste his time like that? Because he's caring.
Now people critisize me because I'm Jewish. People suck. I hate them. People are rude and the ones who are in here don't deserve the joy their getting. I wish they'd live one day in my shoes. Then they'd know how much it hurts when they say shit about me.
We got put into groups for the upcoming Christmas party. If we don't participate we fail the class. It's shit. Total shit.
My ex was kind enough to contact me today. I told him that I didn't need to bleed anymore to be happy anymore (which is a lie. I guess I could be happy with him). He turned around and said, "You just have to make other's bleed to make you happy." It came out of nowhere. He has unresolved issues.
He is next door since he helps all the little 7th graders with their math. He has better things to do. Why does he waste his time like that? Because he's caring.
Now people critisize me because I'm Jewish. People suck. I hate them. People are rude and the ones who are in here don't deserve the joy their getting. I wish they'd live one day in my shoes. Then they'd know how much it hurts when they say shit about me.
We got put into groups for the upcoming Christmas party. If we don't participate we fail the class. It's shit. Total shit.
My ex was kind enough to contact me today. I told him that I didn't need to bleed anymore to be happy anymore (which is a lie. I guess I could be happy with him). He turned around and said, "You just have to make other's bleed to make you happy." It came out of nowhere. He has unresolved issues.
11.19.2002
(Insert Greeting Here)
I slit my wrists. Again.
His name is now carved into my arm. A scar in my flesh is a monument to him.
I love him. I hate him. I want to fall into his arms and have him tell me everything is okay. I want to kill him. I want to feel his arms tightly around me. I want him to be hated so he knows the pain he caused me. I want to feel his manliness against me again. I want to rip his manliness off and staple them to his forehead. I want him to be happy. I want him the pain I feel every minute of everyday.
I want him to have a great life; regardless of my own.
I slit my wrists. Again.
His name is now carved into my arm. A scar in my flesh is a monument to him.
I love him. I hate him. I want to fall into his arms and have him tell me everything is okay. I want to kill him. I want to feel his arms tightly around me. I want him to be hated so he knows the pain he caused me. I want to feel his manliness against me again. I want to rip his manliness off and staple them to his forehead. I want him to be happy. I want him the pain I feel every minute of everyday.
I want him to have a great life; regardless of my own.
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