I'm writting this poem book just for you,
'Cause I don't have nothin' better to do.
I could mow the grass or I could clean the kitchen,
If I did that then Mom might quit her bitchin'.
My bed still ain't made, this place is a mess,
But I'm just too lazy to clean I confess.
It's now been three weeks since the bathrooms were cleaned,
The scum in the toilet is turning dark green.
It might be a little offsensive to some,
But my life would not be the same without scum.
Mom is always pissin' and moanin',
But the sum in my bedroom just keeps right on growin'.
Under my bed there is food, clothes, and books,
But I really don't give a shit how the place looks.
My make-up is scattered all over the place,
My mirror is so dirty I can't see my face.
I wish that I knew where the windows could be,
They're so fuckin' dusty I can't even see.
The closets are totally filled to the brim,
There's not even room for my clothes to go in.
All of the clothes from last month that I wore,
Are laying in piles all over the floor.
What color's my carpet? Please do not ask.
'Cause finding that out is a three hour task.
The radio plays music that just makes me cough,
If I could find it I'd shut it right off.
When I'm here after work I feel so alone,
But when someone calls I just can't find the phone.
When company's over, poor Mom is disgraced,
Because of the mess in this God-awful place.
The mess around here would make your head spin,
I'd clean it all up if I knew where to begin.
There's more everyday for me to clean-up,
but as you can tell I have just given up.
7.31.2005
7.30.2005
As I sit and iron my hair while keeping an eye on "The Wedding Planner", I'm mulling. Yes ladies and gentlemen. Mulling. Over what, I'm not sure. Things have occurred in such little time, I can't even imagine where to begin.
~Well, I'm employed now. I work at the Park Place Hotel as a banquet server, dressed all in black and giving overweight upper-middle class men their meals.
~I'm not longer single. After hurting not only one, but two (Okay, so I haven't told Darryl yet) very worthy and kind guys hearts, I am now going out with Xavier Attee. I've....waited for a very long time for this. I never imagined it would happen. Doesn't seem real. Why would he chose me? There are.... so many girls- women out there who would fawn over him. Then again, I'm not sure there's another girl who would fawn over him like I would.
~Senior pictures are on Monday, and I still have no idea what to wear, after a good two weeks of deliberation.
~Gained some more weight. Isn't it supposed to go down when you come home?
~I have insomnia. I can't sleep.
~I went to the cemetary with Megan Harrigan and looked around for a while. I'm considering dressing in all black like I have the reason to go there and grieve. I'll even pack a picnic lunch.
~I've been calling Ariana. I haven't gotten any responses.
Not exactly the World News...
~Well, I'm employed now. I work at the Park Place Hotel as a banquet server, dressed all in black and giving overweight upper-middle class men their meals.
~I'm not longer single. After hurting not only one, but two (Okay, so I haven't told Darryl yet) very worthy and kind guys hearts, I am now going out with Xavier Attee. I've....waited for a very long time for this. I never imagined it would happen. Doesn't seem real. Why would he chose me? There are.... so many girls- women out there who would fawn over him. Then again, I'm not sure there's another girl who would fawn over him like I would.
~Senior pictures are on Monday, and I still have no idea what to wear, after a good two weeks of deliberation.
~Gained some more weight. Isn't it supposed to go down when you come home?
~I have insomnia. I can't sleep.
~I went to the cemetary with Megan Harrigan and looked around for a while. I'm considering dressing in all black like I have the reason to go there and grieve. I'll even pack a picnic lunch.
~I've been calling Ariana. I haven't gotten any responses.
Not exactly the World News...
7.17.2005
I went to Heather's wedding last night. It was odd to see my mentor stand before an altar speaking in a tongue that I never would have understood a mere 11 months ago to the man who was becoming her husband in the eyes of God. It was nice. Like a good poem.
The reception was nice too. Heather's mom partied like a rock-star. I wouldn't expect any less from her. Milagro was there, Heather and Sal's baby. She is one of the most beautiful works of art I've ever seen in my life. Her eyes are blue, but not the typical baby blue. It's such a dark and rich blue that they look almost black. Her hair is dark, and she's so petite you wonder if she'll ever grow.
Darryl and I danced cuarteto and cumbia throughout the night, learning new moves on occasion. After the father of the bride left the DJ put on rap, and those of us remaining began to grind on the dance floor.
All in all it was an amazing wedding. I hope someone gets married soon and wants Darryl to come too.
Darryl and I sorted things out. There was a common misconception. We're 'testing waters' so to speak. ^_^*
The reception was nice too. Heather's mom partied like a rock-star. I wouldn't expect any less from her. Milagro was there, Heather and Sal's baby. She is one of the most beautiful works of art I've ever seen in my life. Her eyes are blue, but not the typical baby blue. It's such a dark and rich blue that they look almost black. Her hair is dark, and she's so petite you wonder if she'll ever grow.
Darryl and I danced cuarteto and cumbia throughout the night, learning new moves on occasion. After the father of the bride left the DJ put on rap, and those of us remaining began to grind on the dance floor.
All in all it was an amazing wedding. I hope someone gets married soon and wants Darryl to come too.
Darryl and I sorted things out. There was a common misconception. We're 'testing waters' so to speak. ^_^*
7.15.2005
Bruce stood before me and my Rebound friend Adam to Germany and spoke of the exchange students he had seen grow up before his eyes.
"I'm 80, and I still see the exchange students that came here years ago. Only a few I am out of contact with. Two had died of cancer, a handful from car accidents. One, I have been told that he died of a heart attack, but I know the truth since they had found a gun next to his hand when they found him dead on the floor."
His blue eyes clouded up as if to show the world that his flashback was now taking effect.
And now that has passed and I wonder what his reaction would be when I kill myself.
"I'm 80, and I still see the exchange students that came here years ago. Only a few I am out of contact with. Two had died of cancer, a handful from car accidents. One, I have been told that he died of a heart attack, but I know the truth since they had found a gun next to his hand when they found him dead on the floor."
His blue eyes clouded up as if to show the world that his flashback was now taking effect.
And now that has passed and I wonder what his reaction would be when I kill myself.
7.13.2005
...And so I told her the story that I've kept inside for a year.
"That's something you shouldn't keep a secret." She said to me.
I stared to the fan hanging on her wall. I'd had the intentions ever since the day it had occured to tell her. Was I supposed to unburden? Was it time?
Yes, yes. It shouldn't have devoloped into such a forbidden subject anyway.
But the girl in question would rather leave me than leave him.
Even though through hesitation, she'll watch the black words slither out of my mouth like a snake.
And that is when she'll see me for who I truly am... the worst woman alive.
"That's something you shouldn't keep a secret." She said to me.
I stared to the fan hanging on her wall. I'd had the intentions ever since the day it had occured to tell her. Was I supposed to unburden? Was it time?
Yes, yes. It shouldn't have devoloped into such a forbidden subject anyway.
But the girl in question would rather leave me than leave him.
Even though through hesitation, she'll watch the black words slither out of my mouth like a snake.
And that is when she'll see me for who I truly am... the worst woman alive.
7.12.2005
I'm very, very frustrated. Lots to say, more to explain, but expecting little forgiveness.
I talked to Darryl tonight out by my car. I knew that people hated me... I didn't have to really suspect it as I had all these years, I should have just known. People hated me so much before I left because I was so self-indulged. I can't believe myself.
I keep using was. Am. I am self-indulged, and it's a habit that will end up with me being on the street, with no friends. Out in the dark, where I certainly belong.
I've betrayed, back-stabbed, ripped, torn, destroyed, and in any other words; all of my friendships. I was lucky enough however, to have a true friend whos colors shone through in their magnificent glory and saved me from myself earlier this evening.
Darryl said that everyone was dreading me coming back. I had become everyone's worst enemy over the year and suddenly it's scary to be around anymore. I like them all. They're all very worthy, righteous people who only deserve the best in the world.
His own mother said that I was a brat... destined to be the same, little and immature girl for the rest of my life.
Jocelyn said she hated to have me at this place I call 'home'.
Meredith had spoken with Darryl on the phone and when she heard that I was coming, suddenly declined. Luckly, he spoke to her about it, and she had shown up.
But to think, that I may have stopped someone tonight from being with the people and friends they love just because I was somewhere off to the side, and not being so talkative as I have been in previous years.
No wonder. Now that I think about it, I knew how to use the 'yo' or, 'I' forms in spanish first...
He saw a light though. Something no one had seen, even tried to give a second glance on. Thank...God for Darryl Hallman. He is my hero and my torch to hold through the night onto the right path. If he wouldn't have told me these things,
I probably would have been dead a year from now and blaming it all on them.
I talked to Darryl tonight out by my car. I knew that people hated me... I didn't have to really suspect it as I had all these years, I should have just known. People hated me so much before I left because I was so self-indulged. I can't believe myself.
I keep using was. Am. I am self-indulged, and it's a habit that will end up with me being on the street, with no friends. Out in the dark, where I certainly belong.
I've betrayed, back-stabbed, ripped, torn, destroyed, and in any other words; all of my friendships. I was lucky enough however, to have a true friend whos colors shone through in their magnificent glory and saved me from myself earlier this evening.
Darryl said that everyone was dreading me coming back. I had become everyone's worst enemy over the year and suddenly it's scary to be around anymore. I like them all. They're all very worthy, righteous people who only deserve the best in the world.
His own mother said that I was a brat... destined to be the same, little and immature girl for the rest of my life.
Jocelyn said she hated to have me at this place I call 'home'.
Meredith had spoken with Darryl on the phone and when she heard that I was coming, suddenly declined. Luckly, he spoke to her about it, and she had shown up.
But to think, that I may have stopped someone tonight from being with the people and friends they love just because I was somewhere off to the side, and not being so talkative as I have been in previous years.
No wonder. Now that I think about it, I knew how to use the 'yo' or, 'I' forms in spanish first...
He saw a light though. Something no one had seen, even tried to give a second glance on. Thank...God for Darryl Hallman. He is my hero and my torch to hold through the night onto the right path. If he wouldn't have told me these things,
I probably would have been dead a year from now and blaming it all on them.
7.05.2005
Mi Ultimo Dia en Argentina
00.00 hs- Todavia estoy despierta. Felipe llamo mi celular porque quiere saber a que hora me voy al aeropuerto. Llame su celular, su casa, y la casa de una amiga. Nadie contesto. Enojada, vuelvo a dormir
09.00 hs- Gracias a mi celular, desperte y senti un sensacion en mi panza algo como los nervios. Voy a la cocina para tomar una poco de desayuno. Como una galletita de agua y una taza de jugo de naranja. Siento como no puedo comer mas todo el dia o vomitare. Voy al peluqueria.
10.00 hs- Estoy en la peluqueria. Ella me habla sobre mi intercambio y como fue. Dije la verdad que fue muy lindo, y extrañare Argentina y mis amigos aca. La sensacion en mi panza crece mas grande todavia.
11.00 hs- Voy al cyber, y ahora estoy aca. Estoy re nerviosa. No quiero comer. Estoy pensando en mis amigos aqui, alli, de todo los lado en el mundo. Todavia no puedo creer que mi año en Argentina se termino, y en unas horas estare en Grand Rapids con mis Papis, Alex, Ariana, y Kenny. Estoy muriendo para saber como va a pasar cuando veo primera mano que estan de novios ahora. Espero que Kenny me ayuda olividar. Jeje!
Gracias a Dios por un año que nunca me voy a olividar. Una año lleno del amor, amistad y recuerdos.
My Last Day In Argentina
Midnight- I'm still awake. Felipe called my cell phone becuase he wants to know at what time I'll be at the airport. I called his cell, his house, and his friend's cell phone. Nobody answered. Annoyed, I return to bed.
9:00 am- Thanks to my cell phone, I woke up and feel something like nerves. I go to to kitchen for a little bit of breakfast. I drink a cup of juice and a water cracker. I feel as if I can't eat for the rest of the day or I'll throw up. I go to the hair place.
10:00 am- I'm at the hair place. The hair lady talks to me about my year and how it went. I told her the truth that it went really nicely and I will miss Argentina and my friends. The sensation in my stomach grows larger still.
11:00 am- I go to the cyber cafe and now I'm here. I'm very nervous. I don't want to eat. I'm thinking about my friends here, there, from all over the world. I still can't believe that my year in Argentina is over and in a few hours I'll be in Grand Rapids with my parents, Alex, Ariana, and Kenny. I'm dying to know what will happen when I see Alex and Ariana frist hand as 'a couple'. I hope Kenny helps me forget. Haha!
Thank God for a year that I will never forget. A year full of love, friendship and memories.
My final moments in Argentina...
Is it really over?
00.00 hs- Todavia estoy despierta. Felipe llamo mi celular porque quiere saber a que hora me voy al aeropuerto. Llame su celular, su casa, y la casa de una amiga. Nadie contesto. Enojada, vuelvo a dormir
09.00 hs- Gracias a mi celular, desperte y senti un sensacion en mi panza algo como los nervios. Voy a la cocina para tomar una poco de desayuno. Como una galletita de agua y una taza de jugo de naranja. Siento como no puedo comer mas todo el dia o vomitare. Voy al peluqueria.
10.00 hs- Estoy en la peluqueria. Ella me habla sobre mi intercambio y como fue. Dije la verdad que fue muy lindo, y extrañare Argentina y mis amigos aca. La sensacion en mi panza crece mas grande todavia.
11.00 hs- Voy al cyber, y ahora estoy aca. Estoy re nerviosa. No quiero comer. Estoy pensando en mis amigos aqui, alli, de todo los lado en el mundo. Todavia no puedo creer que mi año en Argentina se termino, y en unas horas estare en Grand Rapids con mis Papis, Alex, Ariana, y Kenny. Estoy muriendo para saber como va a pasar cuando veo primera mano que estan de novios ahora. Espero que Kenny me ayuda olividar. Jeje!
Gracias a Dios por un año que nunca me voy a olividar. Una año lleno del amor, amistad y recuerdos.
My Last Day In Argentina
Midnight- I'm still awake. Felipe called my cell phone becuase he wants to know at what time I'll be at the airport. I called his cell, his house, and his friend's cell phone. Nobody answered. Annoyed, I return to bed.
9:00 am- Thanks to my cell phone, I woke up and feel something like nerves. I go to to kitchen for a little bit of breakfast. I drink a cup of juice and a water cracker. I feel as if I can't eat for the rest of the day or I'll throw up. I go to the hair place.
10:00 am- I'm at the hair place. The hair lady talks to me about my year and how it went. I told her the truth that it went really nicely and I will miss Argentina and my friends. The sensation in my stomach grows larger still.
11:00 am- I go to the cyber cafe and now I'm here. I'm very nervous. I don't want to eat. I'm thinking about my friends here, there, from all over the world. I still can't believe that my year in Argentina is over and in a few hours I'll be in Grand Rapids with my parents, Alex, Ariana, and Kenny. I'm dying to know what will happen when I see Alex and Ariana frist hand as 'a couple'. I hope Kenny helps me forget. Haha!
Thank God for a year that I will never forget. A year full of love, friendship and memories.
My final moments in Argentina...
Is it really over?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
