I know this is completely riduculous.... and many of you are going to laugh.

But I'm crying right now because I thinkthat our end as a human race is here... and that a bunch on my loved ones will be gone in the morning.

It's not because of the gas prices, though 3.55 is enough to make me cry in itself. I saw the sun shine today and it wasn't bright with happiness or passion. It wasn't burning for humanity like it always had been. It's just.... there. It doesn't serve any purpose anymore.

I saw clouds roll in over the bay. Storm clouds. I love storms, and all I could think about it how people will complain about how their day was ruined. People aren't worried for each other. The farmer may need rain, but the vaction-er will curse him though he puts the food on the table.

The music on the radio sounded the same, had the same name, sung by the same people... but there was a distinct quality that it lacked. Emotion.

And I realized that America was such a nasty buyer-seller society that we've forgotten that people are people, not numbers or dollar signs. Do we kiss numbers? Our check books? Do we tell our bank balance how much we love it?

The world is thriving on those who can see past the business of life and see the love. I am glad for the first time that Alex has eyes for Ariana and vis-versa because I know that with them loving each other... truly loving... they're helping to keep the world rotating. I'm glad to be part of the effort as well.

Because I love him.

Confront me.

I just want to know what I'm doing wrong by living my own life...?

Felicitaciones. Puedes leer en español o puedes usar el babblefish. Tramposo.

No es que soy tan estupida. Bueno, a veces tengo mis moments y tambien fingo que no entiendo que soy estupida. La cosa que es mi mejor amiga cree que soy asi. Me ofende. Ella escribe sobre su vida (y esta bien. No me importa. Yo creo que todos deben escribir sobres sus vidas y despues mucho tiempo deben leer y ver cuanto han cambiados).

Pero ella esta escribiendo sobre MI. Bien bien bien. De nuevo no me importa. Me alegro que alguien puede disfrutar escribiendo casi como yo. Nadie puede disfruitar mas que yo. jejeje

Ella esta muy discontenta con las cosa que estan pasando. No puedo comprender, pero esta bien. Ella tiene un novio que lo ama mucho (no puedo hablar por su novio). Hay una persona...creo que la persona soy yo... que esta destruyendo su vida. Todos sus 'amigos' quieren que ella habla con esta 'persona' (se llama persona x).

Bueno, no se que hizo persona x. Pobre persona x... LA DEJO EN EL OSCURO! Ella no quiere confrontar esta persona. Estoy esperando hasta que me habla.

A veces quiero abrazar mi mejor amiga... despues de todo, la quiero mucho. Pero si me odia, no estoy perdiendo tiempo, verdad?

I can't believe he chose me.... out of everyone he could have had.

I am..... so very lucky.

Ever been guilty for something you know you shouldn't be guilty over? It may not be your fault. You may have even tried to prevent it or something, but it still hurt someone. God, I really wonder why I came back here. I've caused too many waves. If I went back to Argentina, then maybe it'll all patch itself up again. Trying to help it by being here would cause even more pain.

But I can't believe how happy I am with Zavy. I'm still not quite used to the fact of 'being owned' somewhat. Okay, not owned, but taken extreme care of. I don't cry myself to sleep anymore. Gosh do I miss him. I hope he gets home really soon even though I know he's got to be having a great time with his brother. What a riot.

I went over to Rini's house so I could borrow the books for my Honors World Lit class so I can get rolling on my summer project. Amber Zilinski and her boyfriend Darren were over. Darren is a nice guy. I've talked to him before, but I'm afraid to make eye contact with him. I think he might see something in me that I don't want out. I usually look down at the floor and speak softly when he's around.

I wish I could talk to Yuki. I miss him.

The doctor's office called and told me that I'm perfectly healthy after having all those tests done. ~Shudder~ I have 350 some odd days until another round of testing. Bah.

So I guess I'll walk away now. I've probably said too much anyway.

1. What is your middle name? Rose
2. What color underwear are you wearing now? Nice blue color.
3. What are you listening to right now? Adam's Song...
4. what are the last 2 digits in your phone number? 28

5. What was the last thing you ate? Pizza

6. If you were a crayon what color would you be? A deep scarlet red.
7. How is the weather right now? Hotter than hell. 85 degrees and it's almost midnight.
8. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? My Mom.
9. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Eyes.
10. Favorite type of Food: The good kind...?
11. Do you drink? I'll have a glass of wine with dinner sometimes.
12. Do you smoke? I've quit.
13. Ever get so drunk you dont remember what you did? No.
14. Hair color: Reddish brown.
15. Eye color: Hazel
16. Do you wear contacts? Sure do.
17. Single? Not at the moment. I'm taken by the best in the world.
18. Favorite Month? October. The Halloweenish-Autumn atmosphere is exciting.
19. Last Movie you Watched? Good Morning Vietnam.
20. Favorite Day of the Year? I don't think I have one.
21. Are you too shy to ask someone out? On occasion.
22. Hugs or Kisses? Long passionate kisses.
23. Chocolate or Vanilla? Vanilla.
24. Do you want your friends to respond back? I couldn't care less.
25. What books are you reading? A bunch of spanish lit right now.
26. Piercings? Many. 5 in right ear, 1 in left, left nostril, tongue, belly button. Lost my nipple ring. :(
27. Fav. Movies? Edward Scissorhands
28. Fav. baseball Team? Yankees.
29. Any pets? A cat named Phillip.
30. Buttered, plain or salted popcorn? Salted.
31. Dogs or cats? Only Phillip... ^_^*
32. Favorite Flower? Red roses.
33. What do you do when you wake up in the A.M.? Take a slow morning.
34. Do you still talk to your best friends from intermediate school? They still are my best friends.
35. What's on your desk? Computer, stacks of CD's, uncountable numbers of books, memory box.
36. Rock Concert or symphony? Rock Symphony. ^_^*
37. Play or Opera? Probably a play.
38. Have you ever fired a gun? Many times.
39. Do you like to travel by plane? HATE it.
40. Right-handed or Left-handed? Right.
41. How many pillows do you sleep with? 2.
42. Are you missing someone? Right now? Very much so.
43. What did you do today? Hung out with Alex, but I can't let Sue find that out can I? Because I'm a bad influence.

I hate having to lie to cover up elation.