Yearbooks are fun to look at. I got my yesterday and already it full of remarks. I didn't know I knew that many people. The signatures are sometimes illegible, but by reading the little 'note' it's so obvious who it's from. There are many remarks like I said before, ranging from the outrageous to the extremely mundane.

Andre's is funny, seeing as it's all in Portuguese. Zavy's is cool too. Ariana's takes up a page and she used many different colors. It's fun. ^_^*

Many people don't know what to write, so they say: "Had a great time in ___________ class. Call me over the summer. Stay sweet." I have a few of those.

~Eyes snap away from tv~ That was not an effective commercial. It shows kids in about the 2nd grade playing on the playground. A bell rings, everyone goes inside except one little girl who stays on her swing. She drops a doll she's holding and they focus on the neck down. The girl is pregnant.

"Didn't have time to tell her how much you love her?" The voice over says. "Don't worry, someone else did."

What the fuck there, buddy? I mean come on. What second grader is menstruating, let alone having sex? Rachel may have always been a bit nasty, but pregnant while your 7 or 8 years old? Get real. Ineffective advertising.

Aye me... 

Is he not beautiful? It's ANDRE! My Andre who took me to prom! We will marry and have very pretty children.

~Swoons uncontrollably~

I'm all over this picture posting thing! I'm loving it. I guarentee you'll see more of this. But anyway... From right to left: Erin to Denmark, Me, Mina, and Cole (I lovededededed you! [heh]) to Thailand. 

Ta da. A picture from prom. From left to right: Yi-Pei, Andre, and me. 

This...makes me a bad person.

Mina has been hanging out with this guy named Caleb and I'll readily admit it. I've been wretchedly jealous. I loved it when they weren't speaking. At prom they began to dance and talk again... a lot. And Mina even got him a flower. I was so furious. There was only one way to get her back, and that makes me and awful person.

Do I sabotage Caleb?

He has a history. His friends say he's a total player; that he's not an innocent guy. I know from experience that he is indeed a player. He's always trying to get every girl in our theater class to at the very least, sit on his lap. I'm the only one to resist him. I can't take him!

But I can't keep her forver.... In July she has the go back to Japan and a couple weeks later I depart for Argentina.

I called Jake today and I hurt to hang up the phone. I miss him, and I'd really like to start a relationship with him again. I understand him now. I really do, so I really can't see the problem with it, right?

The Swan is the oddest show.... If I went on there, I would make them make me beautiful, then dye my hair firetruck red and show up for the evening dress part wearing a dress make out of all black belts. And a nose ring, not one of those stud things, but a ring. Yeah. I'd turn that competition upside down.

So prom....

Would have been more fun if Jake was there and I knew what I know now about that night.

~Sings softly to self~ Goodnight all.

I hate my life. I hate my life. I hate my life. I hate my fucking life! ~Throws prom shoe at a mirror. It shatters~ Don't even talk about how 'God' will make it all better. Make it better my ass!

It hurts to take in every damned breath. Every beat of my heart reminds me that I still have years of life left unless I do something about it.

I hate myself, my life....

Jake, I miss you, and I love you.

Mina, you have no idea....

Mina and I are going to prom! Me and her! Whee! So I got her a corsage, and dear fucking GOD. I went in there to get my corsage (Andre asked me to choose it and he'd re-embers me) and both of our corsages cost 18 dollars. Andre's boutonniere cost 9 dollars. Isn't that crazy?!

Do they think that us girls spend SO much on their dresses and hair and nails and shoes that we have no oney what-so-ever when we're done? That's most girls, but not me. My total prom expenses are:

20 dollar dress (YAY FOR SALES!)
50 dollar alteration (Estimate. Probably lower.)
9 dollar boutonniere (For Andre)
18 dollar corsage (For Mina)
25 dollar dinner (Again, a guess. Andre may pick up the tab and it might not be $25.00.)
0 dollar shoes (Dad got my shoes as a gift.)
0 dollar nails (I'll paint my own, thanks.)
0 dollar ticket (Thanks Andre!)
0 dollar hair (Mina will do mine.)

And the grand total....

$122.00 give or take. I know a girl who paid twice that for prom. I paid about 100 for Farewell Freshman. Cool huh? Yay! I'm a money saver.

~Sigh~ For some reason, I feel like today has been the day from hell, when really it hasn't been all that bad.

Saturday night I was directing my play and I saw Jay bleeding from under his costume. I was worried that he was getting his costume all bloody, but that he was bleeding in general. That meant he was hurt. I had seen his arms previously, and they're so scarred up. They're worse than mine are. He had cut himself all over and bled throughout the play.

He says he forgets cutting himself. He blacks out, and when he wakes up, he has a bunch of cuts all over his body. I remember my cutting sessions in vivid color, but I can't feel it. I definately feel it in the morning (I only cut at night), but while it's happening, it might as well be on a different body. Same with piercing.

He hugged me and said he'd be all right, and that was the first time I felt a human presence within him. He hurt hust like I hurt. He cut because he wanted out. He's so valient, so brave. He's made it farther than I would have. He's a survivor.

I don't know if I'm happy or not that the gun wasn't there that one day I came home. I surely would have ended it if it had been there. I'd like to slip into a severe depression like last year. I miss being depressed and hurting everyday. I miss being angsty and mourning over Alex.

I need to end it with Corey. I'm not happy, nor is he. He looked at me this morning like I was some sort of...demon. Not only a demon, but a saint as well. I never felt such a range of emotions cast upon me.

And I looked to him and saw the pain and anguish in his eyes...and I finally understood that he felt the same way I did...

Greg has been stricken with Venezuleanitus. I feel bad for him because he's got it just as bad as I have Argentinitus. I sit in class and I just daze off, and ALL my grades reflect that. It's time for midterms and I have all D's. D's man! That's about as bad as it can get. It'll be worth it Gregorio. We'll have a great time and we'll come back and wish we were back there. I wanna see Venezula. We can go together! Whee!

Today really sucked. My flute got stolen out of my car, I'm antsy as hell, and I miss Mina! It's not like she's not there, but she's going with ~Disgusted~ Caleb and I hate him now!

I uh...I bought her a ring though.

I think I'm leaving now.