Life is continuing here. I´m past the first stage of culture shock where everything is eçreally cool and magical. It´s normal, day to day life. The next stage is supposed to be I HATE IT HERE, but I only feel that way sometimes, and only at school. School troubles me a bit. No the courses, the people.

I enjoy my walk home with Elias though.We don´t talk much, and the awkward silence kills me, but I enjoy his company, no matter how silent it may be.

One thing I feel is special here are the dogs. It´s not uncommon to see dogs wandering the street. Yesterday while walking to Gym, I saw this beautiful dog that looked like it could be a mix between a Collie and a German Sherherd. It was sleeping in front of the DISCO store, which is like a supermarket here.

There´s something different about there dogs. They´re the nicest, sweetest, most friendly dogs I´ve seen in my entire life. They´re so loyal. One night, my brother and I were walking down to the neighborhood kiosco and our ´neighborhood dog´ followed us. She waited patiently outside while we got our supplies, then continued to follow us home. The next morning, she was asleep on our lawn.

The dogs my family has are yappy, nasty little bitches.

My sister and I were talking the other night and she touched her face and said "Tommy hurts." I asked her what the hell she was talking about, and my brother...names her zits. This one was named Tommy.

I´m to the point where I can understand nearly everything that is being said. It´s convienent knowing what people are saying.

I have times where people are asking me lots of questions, and all I want is to be left alone, so I say ´Qué?´ until they give up and leave me alone. I know it´s bad to do, but I realy don´t care. I´m just being lazy.....

One thing I´ve noticed about school,is that NO ONE wore the uniform, until I started wearing it. More and more, girls are wearing it.

One of these conversations where someone says I don´t understand anything, I will pay attention just to prove them wrong. I might even jump in and say something.

My brother Elias...there´s so many things I wasnt to say to him, but I can´t because he doesn´t understand me. I am not proficent enough to hold a conversation with my brother. I can ask him certain things, like if he wants to go for a walk, if wants more of something at dinner, if his friends are cming over, etc. I want to tell him so many things. I want to thank him for letting me be around him and hang out with his friends. I know I steal a little bit of his thunder. I´m sure he´s probably getting tired of me. And I lied to my mother about him...I have traces of feelings towards him, and it´s confusing me.

Ariana, I pulled something out of the dog, and it´s "what day is it today?" It´s Monday, the 23rd of August. When I pulled it out though, it was Tuesday, the 17th of August. I love you. You know that right?

Tefi, my sister, left for U.S.A. today. I never could understand my mother for trying to keep me at home while I had such a great experience ahead of me, but one look at Mamí, and I understood. All it took was a little observation, and suddenly I understood EVERYTHING.

Sometimes I have to wonder if my family really likes me. If my classmates actually like me. I wonder day in and day out what people actually think of me.

I find myself being restrained by my brain that people in Argentina think differently. I can´t hug all my brothers friends (whom I would consider friends as well) and kiss them on the cheek as I normally would in the United States. I have to do the classic Argentine star kiss or else I´m considered easy. Heather warned me that unless I make many girl friends, I will be considered the slut. I don´t have girl friends. I don´t make girl friends.

It´s confusing. I can do the Argentine kiss thing and make out with a guy in a disco (Heh...oops...) and never see him again and be considered completely normal, but I can´t hug my brother or his friends in the hallway at school?

Yeah...the disco mistake thing. He was drunk. I was tipsy. I don´t know how to say ´get off me you stupid bastard´ in Spanish.

I wish I could tell Elias how I feel, but I don´t want to fuck up anything that we have going. he´s a great brother, and even better friend. Have you noticed that when you like someone, you bottle it up. Eventually, you tell someone. They keep it a secret. You think "I don´t want to fuck up the relationship we have right now, so I´ll just keep my mouth shut." Eventually it just boils over and you risk your friendship and everything......

And they say ´they knew´...but they can´t return the feelings. I hate that. It happens nearly everytime.

I send my love to you all. Behave! All of you! Don´t make the disco mistake I made. ^_^*

So I made it!

School is pretty cool. We have a uniform, and it´s freaking awesome.

I was out last night with my two sisters, my brother, and a bunch of friends. I had a great time. We went to a disco, and I learned how to dance like a real Argentine. They loved the way I danced, all American punk like. They thought it was pretty funny that I could head-bang.

So I learned the ´latin american grind thing´ where it´s impossible to do unless your constantly on each other. It was cool. Apparently, so says my sister and all the guys I danced with, I´m good at it. ^_^*

I was warned that teenagers don´t have a curfew before I came. What time would you expect a 16 year old girl home who doesn´t have a curfew? 1:00 am?

I crawled into bed immediately when I got home....at 8:00 am.

My brothers are nice. My older brother´s name is Ariel and he´s about 26 or something. My older sister, Joli (pronounced Holly) is 23 and she kicks ass. We´re more like friends than anything else. Tefi is going to go on exchange soon, and she´s 18. She´s going to Ohio. Finally, my brother Elias is 17, and he´s.....wierd to say the least. I love him dearly, but I honestly wonder if he thinks I´m easy, or dumb.... I´m afraid of what he thinks of me. We play poker a lot.

My Mom.....is awesome. There´s no other way to explain her.

I gotta run though, I´m in an internet cafe, since the computer at home doesn´t have internet. All my love to all of you out in cyber-land.

Chau.

I hurt so....badly. I'm sitting here, typing this absolutely sobbing, so I apologize for any typos or gramatical errors, but I just don't care anymore.

I don't want to leave. I leave in... 80 hours. I'm so scared. I don't want to be alone. I don't want to be away from Alex. I don't want to be away from Rini. The thought of being seperated from them for a year.... It hurts to breathe. It hurts to think. I don't want to leave. I'm so scared!

I'd do anything to back out right now. I just want to stay at home, holding my teddy bear, talking to the love of my life on the phone. I want my life to be normal again. This whole exchnage thing has fucked up my life. I'm not normal. Even if I backed out now, I wouldn't be normal again. I've met Jake. I'm spoken to my sisters. I've said my final goodbyes. I'll never be the same again already...and that scares me.

Wasn't it just a month ago that I said I hated everything changing? I hated the fact that Alex was no longer in love with me? That I miss Rini not being my best friend and always being there 24/7? That Meri has become somewhat of the desired one?

This sucks. I'm going to be sick. I can't leave. You don't understand. No one does. I can't get on that damned plane! NO ONE UNDERSTANDS WHAT HURT I'M GOING THROUGH RIGHT NOW.

No one gets me..... ~Sobs madly~

I have a song...it's really how I feel.

"There's a piece of you that's here with me
It's everywhere I go, it's everything I see
When I sleep, I dream and it gets me by
I can make believe that you're here tonight
That you're here tonight

If I could find you now things would get better
We could leave this town and run forever
I know somewhere, somehow we'll be together
Let your waves crash down on me and take me away

I remember the look in your eyes
When I told you that this was goodbye
You were begging me not tonight
Not here, not now
We're looking up at the same night sky
And keep pretending the sun will not rise
Be together for one more night
Somewhere, somehow..."

It's perfect really.

The guy I like....he still doesn't know. He'll be at my party though, so I guess I'll tell him there. Or the day I leave. I have a hair appointment on Saturday before my party. I shouldn't have waited so long. There's so much I feel I need to say and do.

I want to tell this guy I love him. In the perfect world, he'd say he feels the same way. Well maybe not. I don't want to fall in love, know he loves me too then leave for a year. Ouch. That hurts.

I'll write later....I'm not so much in a writing mood. I'm thinking too much to put my thoughts into words.

I had a date tonight. It wasn't with anyone you'd expect.

At 10:00 pm, I jumped in my car and went downtown. No one was there except for the occasional people outside a late night cafe smoking a cigarette. I absorbed the smell and the small talk. I continued to walk down the dimly lighted sidewalk with a trace of a smile on my face.

When the streets were empty, I found myself spinning around in the streets. I felt memories drift back. I was five again, dancing in the same street after the parade for Cherry Festival. I opened my eyes and saw Traverse City. My little city was shining in an entirely new light.

I realized that this was my first, my last, my only chance to dance in the downtown streets at night had come. I had only one week left to absorb what I wanted to take with me. And the company I had...was the best I could have. I didn't have to tell her that I had a great time, because it was just me. Being by myself didn't hurt. In fact, if anyone had come along, I'd have pushed them away.

I walked down to the bridge that passes over the Boardman River and stood what would be considered too close to the falling threshold.

When I got back into my car and drove away, I didn't feel resentful that it was over. I felt happy for the date.

Just me.

You're the sad smile,the one that regrets nearly
everything and is constantly wondering about
what could have been.You're not happy with your
situation and usually blame yourself because of
the bad things that have happened.Cheer up.

What Kind of Smile are You?
brought to you by

NUMBER OF...
:x: piercings = three holes in my right ear and one in my left.
:x: tattoos = Very soon. Give me time.
:x: ft/inches = 5 ft 2 inches?
:x: siblings = None. :-(
:x: times you've been in love = I'd like to say only once, but it's twice....
:x: times you've had your heart broken = Twice.
:x: hearts you've broken = too many, so I've been told
:x: drugs taken illegally = Nothing is illegal unless you get caught.
:x: friends that you would trust with your life = 4
:x: enemies you have = I don't sweat the little stuff, but right now, I have one arch rival.
:x: times you've appeared in newspaper = lost count :-:x: scars on your body = A lot. Too many to count.
:x: things in your past that you regret = My complete indecision.

LAST...

:x: movie you rented = My neighbor Totoro.
:x: movie you bought = The Sound of Music.
:x: song you listened to = Metallica "No Leaf Clover"
:x: song that was stuck in your head = Trojan Fight Song!
:x: person you called = My Mom at work.
:x: person that called you = Alex.
:x: tv show you watched = Punk'd
:x: person you were thinking of= Alex.

DO...

:x: you have a crush on someone = Yeah, but I'll never tell. :-P
:x: you wish you could live somewhere else = That's why I'm leaving.
:x: you think about suicide = Yes.
:x: you believe in online dating = Hey, whatever floats your boat.
:x: others find you attractive = Oh but of course.
:x: you want more piercings = Yup. All the way up my right ear, my eyebrow too.
:x: you drink = Yes.
:x: you do drugs = Depends on what drugs we're talking about here.
:x: you smoke = NO. That's gross.
:x: you like cleaning = As much as I would like to grown testicles.
:x: you write in cursive or print = Kind of a combination.

FAVORITE...

:x: food = Pocky is nummy. So is a dish my Mom makes: Texas Hash.
:x: thing to do = Ah, that's not PG.
:x: thing to talk about = Depends who with. Sex is fun to talk about with CLOSE friends. Argentina/exchange with others.
:x: drinks = Coke and Jones Soda.
:x: clothes = My baggy pants!
:x: movies = Edward Scissorhands
:x: holiday = Halloween.

HAVE YOU...

:x: ever cried over a girl = Yes.
:x: ever cried over a boy = Last night I believe.
:x: ever lied to someone = a little white lie never hurts...
:x: ever been in a fist fight = yup. That was fun.
:x: ever been arrested = No.

WHAT...

:x: shampoo do you use = Smooth Down by Redkin (My hair is like an afro if I don't use it!)
:x: shoes do you wear = I like my boots. They're fun. Especially to play DDR in.
:x: are you scared of = Loving and losing.
:x: color is your hair = As Mom says: "Who the hell knows?" It varies in shades naturally from my roots. Alex says strawberry blonde.
:x: is your shoe size = 8

FAVORITE...

:x: disney movie = LITTLE MERMAID!
:x: word = Fuck (Think about it! It describes so much!)
:x: nicknames = Annie, Ann, Steph, Pan-Chan, Teppia.
:x: eye color = I must admit that I've NEVER dated a guy that didn't have blue eyes.
:x: flower = Rose
:x: piercing = Eyebrow
:x: actress = Wynona Rider in Edward Scissorhands

DO YOU THINK YOU ARE...

:x: pretty = ~Shrugs~ I guess.
:x: funny = I hear that I'm brutally honest...but apparently it's funny.
:x: hot = Not really.
:x: friendly = Depends ;-)
:x: amusing = I don't know if I am amusing... but I do know that I am amused.
:x: ugly = Sometimes.
:x: loveable = Sometimes. I get hugs a lot.
:x: caring = Always, except for when I first wake up or at work.
:x: sweet = When you give me chocolate....
:x: dorky =Definately.

Naomi....keep trying.

"Can you imagine what it's like
to understand what people are saying to you
and be wanting to say SO many things to them
while not being able to?
I say to myself in english so many things
but I just can't say it in portugeuse
so the thoughts are stuck in my mind.
I've seen and heard so much in the past week
that I am DYING to say out loud.
But there's nobody here.
I am alone."

She's entering phase two...but pretty soon, she'll know how to speak, and fluently.

Today was my last day at work, so I'm getting ready to leave soon!

Ashlee Simpson is such a bitch...