When the day is long and the night,
the night is yours alone,
When you're sure you've had enough of this life,
well hang onDon't let yourself go,
'cause everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes.

I knoooooow!

I'm dying of bi-curiousity... ^_^* Heheeeee.....

I'm still extremely upset with people and how they act. Names will be removed to protect the innocent. Put on a mask, it's all the rage! Why not be who you want to be instead of who your parents, friends, boyfriend want you to be. Es una mierda totalmente.

I think the reason why guys like me as a friend or like me even more than such, it because I tell it like it is. Honestly, would you rather be lied to and have the scar on your heart when you knew, or would you rather have it straightforeward.

So here's how it is. You piss me off. Ha!

Listen, I'm in the country-side. I'm not able to be contacted.

You may be stressed, but I am too.

When I come back, you'll have me to compete with, and I'll show no mercy. I'm a new person.

Do not mess with me.

People have their own lives. You live yours, they live theirs. Easy enough?

Go consider your options.

Annie Jones on: I hate it....

This new host family situation isn't cool.

So two nights ago, I was in the house and my 'family' had guests over. Lily was drunk and she said 'Go upstairs and get your flute. You got to play.'

I said I wasn't comfortable with doing it, that I really didn't want to play in front of a bunch of people. She said she didn't care and she forced me upstairs, got my flute and basically shoved me down the stairs. She made me play in front of everyone, and then she totally ignored me afterwards. Like she left when I started playing. I basically said fuck her and went upstairs.

Yesterday however, she really got to me. I was swimming in the pool and she came out and swam with me. She started questioning me all about my past nd then she said "Why did you try suicide?"

I said I didn't like to talk about that part of my life; that it was 'over' (even though we all know that's bullshit). She kept asking though. "That's stupid, Annie. Anyone who tries suicide is stupid. Life is worth more than that. What made you to be such an idiot to try to commit suicide?"

"I don't remember anything from that time. I forgot it all." I said.

"You're lying!" She said. "I'm a doctor! I know!"

'You're a gynocologist! You're not a fucking shrink!' I thought.

I hate it there. So much. I honestly feel like shit....

Annie Jones on: Changing

I changed families today. I'm not sure I've ever had such a terrible emotion wash over me.... Joli started crying, Mom started crying, I started sobbing like an idiot. It sucked.

This family is very different. One, I'll be the only child again in 10 days. Two, I can do what I want, when I want. Three, I have a father. There's so much that's different.

Not only changing families, but everything around me seems to be changing. I feel so very 'the same' and it's wierd. It's supposed to be the biggest changing experience in your entire life, and I'm so...not changed. I can't explain it.

Of course, things have changed like my apperance, my homesickness.... But I still get that feeling all the time like "Just hand me a razor and I'll give it back to you in five minutes". It's not 'normal' (or so say most people I know). Today I was so close to cutting but I knew I had to hold myself back. I don't want to be sent home because I bled a little, then everyone would accuse me of being sick, and I'm not.

I can't imagine staying here for long. It all seems like a vacation (Without the bathing suit of course), like I'll go back to Barrio Jardín any day now...but it's not and it kinda sucks.

Tomorrow I plan on exploring this Barrio a bit. I have no idea what the hell is around here in reality. Like, a kiosco two blocks from here, and a BUS STOP!! Woot... ^_^*

Should sleep. Don't know if I can....

I wish February would hurry up and get here. I miss Robert and I want to see him now!