Annie Jones on: Christmas

I've been dodging Christmas, haven't I? Completly not writing about it....oh well.

Christmas Eve was a day comprised of sleeping (yay!) and phoning back to the states in the early afternoon. My parents went to New York for Christmas ("It's just too painful to be around the house without you" Says mom. God...shut up, please.) so I called my Grandma and i got to talk to my two aunts and their kids. The baby, who will be the last child in the family until I have children, just turned two and she was such a riot on the phone. "Stephie, I miss you, I love you!" Little Lexa-loo-loo. Man, I wanna see her. She's getting so big!

At 8 all the kids went over to my host dad's house (my host parents are divorced) and we ate Christmas dinner. At 12, we had a toast with pineapple champagne and then we went outside to blow stuff up.

That's a big, Argentine thing, blowing stuff up on Christmas and New Year. My brothers and i set of mini bombs and bottle rockets. We tried to set off a globo, which is a paper balloon with burning cotton inside so it rises by itself, but I guess we put way too much kerosene on the cotton, because.... It caught on fire and landed on Ariel's back. It didn't hurt him or burn him in anyway, but it was funny to hear my 22 year old brother swearing like that from fear. ^_^*

When we got back home at about one, we openned all our presents. I felt bad, because everyone have something like 2 gifts, but I had 4 and they were all from the family. I recieved a shirt that says Argentina on it, a red belt, a pair of VERY cool earrings, and a pair of sandals. It was nice to feel remembered. I didn't expect to see anything under that meter high tree for me.

Christmas day was very slow and boring. We ate Christmas lunch and guess what it was. TURKEY! We got a Turkey! At 8 we went to mass which was a new insightful look onto their religion seeing as I'm Jewish. The cathedral was beautiful. I wanted to take pictures, but I refrained. I'm sure it would have been frowned upon.

Our Christmas dinner though....guess where we went. McDonald's. Is that the coolest or what?

Oh and by the way Robert, we'll go to McDonald´s in Cordoba. Capital ain't too shabby now, huh?!

New years is in... oh shit, 3 days? I gotta go shopping. I'm gonna buy an outfit to go out in that night. Woot.

Trying to think of a way to end this entry, but I don't know how. So I'm giving up.

Annie Jones on: Nostalgia

I think I've figured out two things which shouldn't count as two things, seeing as they go hand in hand, but whatever.

1. I spent spent 3 hours on Kazaa downloading Leary skits because it reminds me of Alex.

2. Alex listens to Dennis Leary a lot, and his voice inflection at times just makes me crack up because it's JUST like Alex. Leary influenced the boy.

I've been staying up late recently, like 5 am, sometimes 6 and just...talking on the computer. The past two days I've had conversations with Alex, I usually don't get to have conversations/talk to him often, so the first night was catching up, and the second night was just... random conversation like we've always had. You gotta believe me when I say I don't wanna come home. It's pretty plain and simple, though it confuses the fuck out of everyone.

"Why do you want to stay there?! You have money here, and a room, and a cat, and friends, and..."

Shut up. I may be living day to day allowence of 14 pesos, but I can save it up for a week and buy something special! Like for example tomorrow I'm hopping to get on the bus for the centro so I can buy a black skirt and black polo to go out in for New Years. I'm also hoping to find blood red lipstick. I will scare my classmates. ^_^*

I have a room here too. It's not Japanese, nor is it blood red, but I can sleep there.

The cat I have here is dumb. It drools on you, like literally spit just tumbles out of her mouth. Still a cat.

I got friends here too. I can't ever leave them....

Fantin is looking at coming to the USA for a year. He'd be living with me. Jesus, I can't WAIT to see if it'll work out. He said if he can, he'll come to prom with me for my senior year.

We were always friends before...well, not immediately after he found out I liked him. But suddenly he sat by me one day in class and now we're like, the wonder-team. He calls me and sees if I wanna go out and do stuff, and vise versa. He randomly stops at my house. But a few days ago I talked to him on the phone...and he said I love you....

Yeah, whatever. I'm still rocking it up in S.A.

Annie Jones on: That Little Happy Face

Every exchange student should know what I'm talking about. You know those days where you just wake up look at yourself in the mirror (try to figure out what the fuck that dream signified, then translating it back into english so you might understand the gist of it), and say "I don't really want to be in a good mood today". Regardless of this, you jump in the shower, sit at the kitchen table with your morning coffee, and when your host mom walks in, smile the biggest smile you can muster.

Those days, are in a bigger supply than one may think.

Inside, you're having a shitty day and you want to tell someone, but that may lead them to think that you aren't enjoying your time in their country, but you really are. Therefore you keep it bottled up and put on the exchange student smile we all know so well. That is, until one night you're in your bed and it just explodes. It's like a dam breaking and all this pressure comes forward and you get it out. All of it.

And the next day is the same way.

There's always a time where you just can't fake it anymore, which is usually right before you break and sob to yourself in english. You can't hide the feelings you have behind the mask you wear day to day. It's not that you feel alone. It's not that you even feel homesick. You just... have a bad day and you can't show how you really feel.

I guess that's what I took for granted in the states. I've always been a very extroverted person. If I'm happy, I'll smile. If I'm sad, I will cry, and quite often have little to no regard if I'm in public or not. If I'm having a bad day, then I'll let myself have a bad day. If it's a good day, I'll share it with others.

The problem with exchangees is that you have to be happy all the time or else you feel like you're doing something wrong. For another person to distinguish your good days from your bad days would be virtually impossible because of that little happy face. I still want to share my happy days, but that would be 'everyday', wouldn't it?

This is the dark side to exchange. It's not the homesickness. It's the feelings you surpress.

So how's my day going? Seriously?

Well, I woke up at about 2 (I went over to Andrés' house last night and stayed until about 3:30. I got to sleep at about 4:30) and made myself some pancakes. I called Fantin, Gastón, and Santi to see if they wanted to come over for some maté and social time. They said they'd be over at 4:30.

I'm sitting at my kitchen table watching TV at 4:30 and drinking a bit of maté by myself. 4:45 rolls around and I'm certainly not worried, considering Argentine's are always late for everything and I'm very much engrossed in my movie. The clock strikes 5, 5:15, 5:30. Now I'm starting to feel a little bad. At 6, it hits me that I was forgotten.

They forgot to come over to my house when I had called them the hour before.

Last night I when went over to Andrés' house, I got there an hour early because Gastón told me that we were going to meet there at 9, but Andrés said 10. I was the only person at his house with him, and I caught him in the middle of a shower.

Nonetheless, being the gentleman he is, got out of the shower and we took a walk over to Santi's house. We all talked a bit. Santi's little brother fell down and scrapped his knee, so Andrés and I were left outside, looking at the moon.

He examined a scar on his knee. I asked him what had happened. He had fallen down when riding a bike at 6 years old. We both laughed and he asked if I had any. I said yes, but refused to tell him anymore. He pushed. So I pulled up the sleeve on my polar fleece and showed him my arms. You could see the scars, even by the pale light of the moon. He frowned, looking at my arm, then my face.

"What happened?" He asked.

"I used to cut." I said, looking straight into his eyes for one of the very few times. My heart pounded. I knew it, he thought I was a freak now.

Quite the contrary.

So I told him what happened to me... why I did it. I didn't realize it before, but I did cut to try to die. I cut because I was lonely. The thing that kept me alive was that I was going to come to Argentina and meet all these people...and I kept myself alive for that reason when I was living in the States and Argentina was just a dream.

And Andrés was one of these people. It was surreal.

I don't want people to know that I still think about it from time to time. I can't.

Because I have to put on That Little Happy Face.

Annie Jones on: Distance

Distance gets the better of you.

I know I'm simply setting myself up for complete and udder disappointment when I return, but the thing that keeps me going when I hear bad news from the USA, is I can pretend. I can close my eyes and totally absorb myself in the world I have here. To me Michigan, Traverse City, and even Central High doesn't exist. It can be just a dream. I went there once. I won't be going back.

It's just like what Argentina was like before I came, some illusion I made up in my head. I didn't know what it was like, yet still I ran so blindly towards it. And where am I now? Córdoba Capital, Barrio Jardín, Argentina. At my host home, typing this at 3:30 in the morning.

So what am I saying? I'm not quite so sure myself in reality. It's not that I'm not happy to hear from everybody back there in the snowbelt, because I am. I love hearing about it whether it be good or bad.

I guess I'm already trying to soothe the pain of leaving this place. I'm 4 months in, and I never want to leave. I want to lived the rest of my days in a flat with my husband and children.

Looking too far into the future, I know. I haven't even been accepted into university here yet.

By the way, I'm applying for University of Córdoba.

I cried when I got my letter that said I was accepted into Rotary, because I was told not to expect anything because of my history of depression and self-mutilation.

I made it though, didn't I? Even after I was accepted and still tried to die. I lived. All part of the big plan I suppose. Just gotta see where it goes.

I wish I'd hear from Mina though.

Annie Jones on: Future

I've actually been thinking about what I'm going to do with the rest of my life. I want to major in international relations and minor in spanish. However, not only this, but I would like to go to university here, in Córdoba.

Claro, ahora mi castellano no es bien (mal tampoco, puedo trabajar), y a veces tengo problemas con la idioma, PERO ESTOY APRENDIENDO! Dame un poco tiempo! Mierda....

I've been having lots of fun with my cell phone. I'm a ringtone writer! Woot! I've successfully writen 'Under The Sea' from that fabulous Disney flick, The Little Mermaid (Which took place in Denmark, did you know that?) and 'My Country 'Tis of Thee'. They both sound good. I'd sell them if I could.

It's a warm day today. I miss cold temperatures a bit, but I know I'll get them in April when school starts again. Summer is gonna be time to relax and chill with friends and sweat plenty of weight off. Finally, no more rotting of boredom in class.

Time has flown by so fast already and I really, really, really don't want to go back to Michigan. I have so many awesome friends here and a family that loves me. Leaving them is gonna kill me.

Sure, I miss Ariana. I miss Alex (A lot, surprisingly. Every bitter memory and all the nasty fights we ever got into I've forgotten.). My Mom and Dad sometimes cross my mind too, but I know they'll be there when I got back. Who knows when I'll eventually get back to Córdoba? I mean, hopefully in January of 2007 for university, but there's so much time between then and now.

There's something like 205 days until I go back (according to Mom's countdown). No way.

Another thing I like about Argentina? It's making me lose weight and I'm like: 'Hmmm, yeah. I dig it.' When I arrived, I weighed 160 pounds or approximately 71 kilos. I hopped on the scale today because I noticed that all my pants actually fall off if I walk around in them without a belt. Now I'm at 145 or something like 64.25 kilos. I've lost 15 pounds since I've arrived and in all honesty, I eat normal foods and don't drink tons of water. Maybe it's because I had a 20 minute walk to school and the same walk back and then if I wanted anything else, I'd walk to go get it.

I wish I had a bike though.... Pimp ass.

And I wish these bugs would stop biting me. I'm not supper.

Annie Jones sobre: Cumpleaños

A ver si puedo escribir en castellano. Claro, puedo. ^_^* Espero en los años que vienen, puedo recordar mi idioma, pero siempre es posible olividaré. Me encanta castellano. Me encanta Argentina, la gente, mis putos....¡todo! ¡Viva Argentina!

Spanish and I are really good friends.

Yesterday was my birthday party and even though it was 5 days early and during summer, I could help smiling and feeling on top of the world (and not any older what-so-ever!). Girls birthdays in Argentina are a really good excuse to give each other really tacky earrings, and I'm totally digging it. I'm a sucker for Argentine earrings, especially the ones that the hippies make and they nearly touch your shoulders.

But I had a bunch of friends over and we ate cake, listened to shitty American music (YAY!) and had a good time in general. In all honesty, that was the BEST party I've had in my entire life. I'm surrounded by my friends here and I can't imagine ever leaving here. Never, I'll never leave!

We even had a cake fight, and this morning I was washing chocolate cake out of my hair. Even though I won't admit it, I did start it. I smeared frosting on Andrés' cheek. It then proceeded to get a bit out of control, and my Mom nearly had a siezure on us. Luckily my face was the one with the most cake on it, so I was able to say all I did was recieve it. I then proceeded to hide my hands behind my back so she wouldn't see all the cake on them. ^_^*

As a group we walked Gastón back to his house and we said goodbye. On the way back to my house, Andrés and I walked behind the group. We talked in english, so as no one could understand us (Okay, Fantin AND Max could, but it doesn't matter, they were having an avid, spanish conversation). He was telling me that he was going to Rio Cuarto for a while. He'd be back for my birthday (like the day) because his sister's is the next day, but when he returned from Rio Cuarto for good, he said he like to 'take me out sometime'.

And then he gave me all the numbers of everywhere he'd be for like the next month so I could always talk with him.

Woah...does he...?

Nah.

Annie Jones on: Happiness

Woah. Honestly, who would have thought that I'd be this happy at this stage in the game? At this point, it's supposed to be my low, low time, but honestly, how can I be low when all these good things are going on around me?? Life is beautiful!

There's a new exchange student in town. She's pretty cool, from Africa. We went shopping the other day with a few girls from my school. They kept asking her questions and she doesn't speak spanish, nor do they speak english. So I tried my best to translate. No, I didn't even try. It just came to me. I could translate everything and understand everything down to the single word.

I'm not fluent, but I'm getting there and the way my classmates looked at me, I'll never forget it. I remember Pia's face best. It was a good smile, a smile that was that of a proud person. I could read it in her face. She was saying 'I told you that you'd be able to do it one day.'

My birthday isn't too far off. I'll be 17 and that seems so crazy. It doesn't seem possible that in only one more year I'll be legal. I get to have a party, and I'm excited to get all my friends together and say that these are the people I love, and I get to be with all of them at the same time. A cake, the Argentine night sky, and cuarteto. How wonderful.

I recieved Katie in the mail and I've been sleeping like a baby ever since. It's so amazing the power that little stuffed bear has over me. I cried so many times because I lost the bloody thing. When I openned the package at the post office, it was everything I could do not to cry in front of everybody. I was in the best mood I'd been in for a long time.

And I get to spend Christmas in Argentina....

And last: Annie has a boy half now. Okay, not a boy half. I don't really like him that way, but he really likes me. He messages me on my phone all the time. It's sweet, but I'm almost 17, and he's 15 1/2. He doesn't see what the problem is. 1. I like someone else....even though it's hopeless and he'll never like me, I know I've got a GREAT friend. 2. That's majorly robbing the craddle.

It's odd. A good odd. Everything is. Except Bush. He's just...odd.