It's been a little over 24 hours, and I am sicker than a dog. Besides sleeping, I've cried every single hour. My eyes hurt, my heart hurts, my head is throbbing.... Oh God take me out of my misery. I don't want to live anymore. Every breath hurts because with every breath I'm losing my ignorance.

I just wish it could have gone on forever. I hate myself. It's all my god damned fault. I'm the worst, the ugly, the rudest, the most terrible person on the planet.

I couldn't help it at work. I burst out sobbing while folding napkins. Everyone keeps saying "I know how you must feel." No you fucking don't. You don't know what it's like, not even a little. I don't deserve to live. Imagine how that feels, to know that you are trash and that so many people want to throw you down and out.

It all hit me like a ton of brick when I turned the corner onto my street and I didn't see his car parked there. I slammed on my brakes and screamed until I had no air left. I wanted to scream the life out of me.

I don't want your pity. All I want is for him to come back to me....

Please Zavy, come back to me. I love you beyond what words could ever explain. I love you without knowing why or how. You are the love of my life, and I need you in my arms.