I'm very, very frustrated. Lots to say, more to explain, but expecting little forgiveness.

I talked to Darryl tonight out by my car. I knew that people hated me... I didn't have to really suspect it as I had all these years, I should have just known. People hated me so much before I left because I was so self-indulged. I can't believe myself.

I keep using was. Am. I am self-indulged, and it's a habit that will end up with me being on the street, with no friends. Out in the dark, where I certainly belong.

I've betrayed, back-stabbed, ripped, torn, destroyed, and in any other words; all of my friendships. I was lucky enough however, to have a true friend whos colors shone through in their magnificent glory and saved me from myself earlier this evening.

Darryl said that everyone was dreading me coming back. I had become everyone's worst enemy over the year and suddenly it's scary to be around anymore. I like them all. They're all very worthy, righteous people who only deserve the best in the world.

His own mother said that I was a brat... destined to be the same, little and immature girl for the rest of my life.

Jocelyn said she hated to have me at this place I call 'home'.

Meredith had spoken with Darryl on the phone and when she heard that I was coming, suddenly declined. Luckly, he spoke to her about it, and she had shown up.

But to think, that I may have stopped someone tonight from being with the people and friends they love just because I was somewhere off to the side, and not being so talkative as I have been in previous years.

No wonder. Now that I think about it, I knew how to use the 'yo' or, 'I' forms in spanish first...

He saw a light though. Something no one had seen, even tried to give a second glance on. Thank...God for Darryl Hallman. He is my hero and my torch to hold through the night onto the right path. If he wouldn't have told me these things,

I probably would have been dead a year from now and blaming it all on them.