I really do like those band parties, they just seem to end too soon, and I can never just sit down and watch stuff go by. I have to be in it all, to be the entertainent. No one likes me for it. I swear that when I turn around, I can hear Allison talking to the nearest person about how she doesn't like me. I'm not your standard girl though. I can have fun, but I flirt like something terrible, and I think it honestly pisses them off to no end.

It just doesn't make sense. Kyle flirts more than I do, but so many people like him. He's just got some really likeable personality. There's just something about me that's so dislikeable.

"It's so wierd to hear you being called Annie." Tom says. "To me you've always been Stephanie. I like it better."

"Then call me Stephanie." I said shivering. We were sitting outside on the house's lawn waiting for our ride. I sat quietly. "Do you ever want to say something, but you know you probably shouldn't because it'll make people think about something you don't want them to know?"

He opened his mouth to talk, but a band member came out of the house and started his car. He never gave me an answer.

This sucks, I have to work at 9 am. I'm going to be up for a while. This not telling Tom what I think about him is going to keep me up. I'll think of how I could have handled it a million times over.

I have to tell myself that this is indeed a god thing. I can continue to be his friend without mutual awkward moments, not worry about wandering eyes....

As much as it pains me, I need to be single and stay that way. For god sake, I'm going overseas in 9 months. That's just terrible to do to someone. If I find true love, then it will be here when I get home. If I find someone overseas, I'm pretty screwed, but if it's true, it'd work itself out.

Please God, help me get through this.