Sometimes I reflect on things and I get such an undesirable feeling. Like now, I'm thinking out how long I've had my car, which is a little under three months, and how many guys I've kissed in it. It's something like 4. I feel like such a slut. It's just not how I am, so what in the world happened to me? I feel like the user and the used at the same time. Hindsight is 20/20 after all. I shouldn't give my affections away so freely.

My parents and I are going to Orlando for Spring Break. Truthfully, I could either stay home or go. I really don't care. We're leaving in 15 days. My Mom is so estatic. I wonder if my scars will be noticed. I'm putting on Mederma and shea butter every night now. Well, two applications every night.

There is only one way I would look forward to this vacation, and that is if we could take Andre. He really wants to go on a trip and see the rest of America. He's signed up for a trip with Rotary, but he doesn't know anyone on the trip. He wants to go to either Florida or California. He has the option of New York and some other place too. I say he should go to New York, but he really doesn't want to go there. My parents would probably let him come along if he paid his own way, but I don't think he could afford it. His Brazilian family certainly isn't rich (I actually think they have a problem with income...), and I don't think his current host family, regardless on how much I know they love me, would pay for him.

I'd LOVE if Mina came too, but she's switching host families soon, and you'll never guess who. Rini's family.

So Jake is with the Megan girl he danced with in Canada. I hate myself. I can't believe he replaced me so easily. We were supposed to be in love! Hence the reason why I had sex with him. I hate him! I want to cut myself and make him feel the pain of my death hanging over his head. I FUCKING HATE HIM! I would come back to the mortal relm as a ghost and haunt his sorry ass.

The light at the end of the tunnel has faded, and I'm spiraling out of control.