I hurt so....badly. I'm sitting here, typing this absolutely sobbing, so I apologize for any typos or gramatical errors, but I just don't care anymore.

I don't want to leave. I leave in... 80 hours. I'm so scared. I don't want to be alone. I don't want to be away from Alex. I don't want to be away from Rini. The thought of being seperated from them for a year.... It hurts to breathe. It hurts to think. I don't want to leave. I'm so scared!

I'd do anything to back out right now. I just want to stay at home, holding my teddy bear, talking to the love of my life on the phone. I want my life to be normal again. This whole exchnage thing has fucked up my life. I'm not normal. Even if I backed out now, I wouldn't be normal again. I've met Jake. I'm spoken to my sisters. I've said my final goodbyes. I'll never be the same again already...and that scares me.

Wasn't it just a month ago that I said I hated everything changing? I hated the fact that Alex was no longer in love with me? That I miss Rini not being my best friend and always being there 24/7? That Meri has become somewhat of the desired one?

This sucks. I'm going to be sick. I can't leave. You don't understand. No one does. I can't get on that damned plane! NO ONE UNDERSTANDS WHAT HURT I'M GOING THROUGH RIGHT NOW.

No one gets me..... ~Sobs madly~