I randomly awoke some moments ago and listened in a half asleep stupor to the woman talking on the radio. It was some sort of show and she was reading a letter from a girl named Amanda. Amanda's best friend is overseas on exchange and in this letter she just poured out her heart. She tried to explain the heartbreak and pain she experienced from not being able to see her best friend, but somehow I felt her words couldn't have possibly been enough, much as I felt throughout my experience.

In that moment I thought of Ariana. I snapped into an alert state of mind and began to cry without warning.

I'm not sure what I'm even getting to here, except for the heart wrenching fact that I know perfectly well that I'll never be spoken to or spoken well of by her again. I've known it for some while now. It's not news. No matter what, I'll never be forgiven for a crime I didn't even know I had committed. Whatever that crime may have been, I plead guilty as charged. She had a reason.

Even if she doesn't ever want to see me again, I just want to say goodbbye one last time.

As I look back over the near eleven years that I have known her, we swapped gossip, nail polish, secrets, and even boys. Friends had come and gone...

But she had always been there.

And it rips my soul apart to know she never will be again.