It's been very hot the last two days and I've been either beaten or bored. I worked yesterday and while I had the lead in sales by the end of the day, I also recieved the lowest amount of tips. I blame this on the fact that I wasn't a server yesterday, but rather a bartender that served food.

Today I woke up late with a pounding migrane and a not-so-sunny disposition. My parents had moved my bed yesterday afternoon while I was at work so the air conditioning could work it's magic and it would be clear of obstructions. Of course, every teenager at one point has hidden something under their bed. I on the other hand am not able to seeing as my bed just rests on the floor. I keep things behind the head of my bed because it's against a wall. When I walked into my trashed room yesterday I saw my humiliating defeat.... a 12 pack of condoms (unused of course), a beer can (I really haven't the SLIGHTEST idea how that got there to be honest), and a razor blade.

Out of everything, I just wish I could make up an excuse about the condoms. The beer can isn't too bad, nor is the razor seeing as I cut my own hair and I use a razor blade to do it. The condoms however... how do you explain something like that? Even if I told the complete truth about it, they wouldn't believe me. I try to think about how many hours Zavy and I passed in there by ourselves and seeing from my parents point of view only makes it worse. I'll never be left alone again with a member of the opposite sex.

So all the while today while trying to dodge my father's gaze, I've been playing around on the internet and writing random garbage (as displayed here). I went outside into the sweltering heat to water the garden for a bit of entertainment. Since it's hot outside, the blooming flowers must have been craving a bit of nourishment and I could certainly use the cool down myself. So I water the lilies and the marigolds, the ivy and the daisies. Just as I'm about to head back into the house, I see two plants about a foot and half tall each next to the porch and my heart began to sink.

One day in late March, or it could have been early April, Cinthia and I were in Tom's buying our groceries. When we get next to the Deli I saw that Jeff was working so we non-chalantly saunter over to the plant seeds and pretend to be looking for something so I could go into my spiel of how cute he really is. Soon enough we actually had taken interest in the packets of seeds and the pictures on them. Cinthia grabbed a packet of Zinia seeds and I had a packet of Baby Sunflower seeds.

As soon as Cinthia and I got home, we rushed inside to get two plastic tupperware containers for our new 'children'. We then went back outdoors and filled up the tupperware with potting soil on the hood of my Dad's car and stuck the seeds deep into the dirt. We went inside, watered them, then waited. In early May the threat of frost had passed and we went outside to plant our sprouts together. We no longer had to water them or take care of them and so eventually they were forgotten.

Seeing those stupid flowers planted right next to one another... so close that the leaves were touching made me realize how much I miss Cinthia, my best friend. Her plant had two, fully blooming flowers that rose up high above my plant. Mine still hadn't flowered, but there were also only two buds. As crazy as it sounds, it's almost like those two flowers were for us and only us. One for her and one for me. My eyes watered.

We thought her flowers were going to be pink....



I almost want to cut the flowers and dry them so I can keep them in my room and I'll remember her forever, but at the same time cutting them means they'll die and I know that in my heart my memories that we made together will never die.

I miss my sister.