So the guy I like is gay. Gee, with my luck who'd have seen that coming?
 

I don't know where to start really. I don't mean to hurt you, but I don't want to keep this bottled up either. For once in my life, I'm going to be straight forward and honest about how I feel. Here it goes then....

I've been talking with someone about this... and it's amazing that I never really could have emotions. It's been all downhill since Calvin. I've not gone a day without crying.

It's my fault for not thinking it over. I didn't look at you when I asked you. I couldn't have told by your tone of voice. I know I don't seem trust-worthy, or someone who actually puts things out in the open. So I wouldn't have told anyone. I'm not easy either, which leads me to my next case.

Well? I'm not easy. I'm not one who can swooned so easily, so it was like an absolute slap to the face when I realized I was thinking about you constantly (And now that this whirlwind is over, I'm sure all my friends will slap me).

I know things end in lies and betrayal. Case in point, Jake to Taiwan only about 150 miles from me doing the cheating thing. Did I care? How can I not? But I trusted him, which is also something I rarely do.

It may be a long distance relationship, but how can it really have been that bad if I never stopped thinking about you?

I had to let it go. I had to get all this shit out in the open so I can go to bed tonight not feeling like my heart has been wrenched out of my chest. So I can go to work tomorrow and not have a nervous breakdown while serving someone coffee. So if I somehow meet Prince Charming I won't have to say I met him with tears in my eyes.

I don't hate you. Come on man, after all I've said it's still quite the contrary. I know that's probably the last thing you want right now too.

I hurt though. I can't explain it, but it's a sensation that combines the hurt and the satisfaction of atleast knowing it never would have worked anyway. So whether to say 'thanks' or 'fuck you' is beyond me.

Please call and talk to me soon though. The only thing that could make this hurt more is not hearing from you.

Annabelle