Upon reflection

I really do resent my father for his alcohol abuse. He is a humiliation and a constant source of dread. I no longer want him present at my wedding.

I'm not in love with myself anymore.

I'm not even sure if I'm in love with him right now.

I got told I was pretty tonight by someone other than Corey. Thank you, Joe. You have no idea how very much it means to me to hear.

I don't even know if I want to be married anymore.

I think I'd make a better sticker lady than a mother. But god damn do I want to try.

Extranio my espaniol. Quiero sentir como soy importante. Quiero quiero quiero quiero. Is it ever anything else? Selfish, silly, stupid girl.

There are parts of this blog that are so ridiculous. I wish I could have the heart to erase or edit some of it, but I can't. Every word I wrote is a reflection of who I was at the time of publication. I'm embarassed of the life I used to live. So shallow. So lacking in meaning.