I can hear you calling Dad, but I don't want to come. Dad? Up here! That's funny, he doesn't hear me at all. Yet, I can can hear him clear as day. I can hear them all down there, gathered around my body-Dad and Dr. Carson and the nurses. I can look down on them like I was looking at a movie, but even if they were to look up from where I see all this, they wouldn't see me.

They think I'm still down there, lying on that hospital bed with my legs broken and my skull fractured. They didn't see me leave.

I don't feel any pain. I haven't since I left my body behind. I felt myself drift gently, up off the bed and toward the ceiling. Above me, still farther away, there's a bright light. It's brighter than a dozen spotlights, and that's where I want to be.

There are people there, beyond that light. I can't make out their faces, but I can sense that they are kind people, loving people, and they want me, of all people, to join them. They'll take care of me and help me. I'll be happy with them.

I want to float now, to go into the light and join the others, but I'm held here, in limbo, just below the ceiling.

I know what holds me here. It's Dad. The look on his face is terrible. The look of grief. I've only seen it once before-the day Mom died. I wonder if Mom looked down on us that day and saw us as I see all this.

How can I do this to him? How can I allow myself to float on, into the happy light, knowing perfectly well that he'll crumble?

I wish there was a way to tell him about the light and the happy people and the vibrations of love and peace. Then he wouldn't have that look on his face. He'd smile.

Dad! I love you Dad, but I'll be happier where I'm going. I'll be safe and...he's crying. Oh, God. My father is crying. For me. He's calling my name.

~Shields eye from the bright light~ I want to come to you kind people. Someday, I will come and gladly. but right now...right now, I'm still needed down below. I hope you understand. Dad...I'm coming back okay?

"Did you hear about the kid who cut his wrists at school and they took him to the hospital?" Brandi asked.

"Because his girlfriend broke up with him?" Tom asked.

"Yeah."

"What kind of fag would slit their wrists?"

"Me." I said calmly.

"What?! What if you went too deep?" Brandi asked.

"Look at me Brandi, look at me! Am I dead?!"

"But..."

"AM I DEAD?!" I yelled.

"No..."

"No, I'm not." I got up and stormed away.

Okay, so I cut my wrists today. I really gotta stop. I went into the audiotorium after lunch, for no reason really and I see Lee, a minor crush sitting in the last row, writing.

"Are you okay?" I ask, leaning down next to his chair.

"Yeah. Are you?" He asked.

"Yes, but you shouldn't care." I said.

"That's kind of rude." He said.

"Well come on. I'm not that important, but thanks for caring."

Amber entered with Kellen. I'm beginning to think that Amber is becoming a bit of a slut.

"Enter Amber stage left." I looked at Lee. "That's my cue to leave."