I’m sorely confused. I’ve had 3 confessions on love this week (okay…not exactly love, take it down a few notches), and one is Bryan. He said he missed me a lot. He said he wanted to try again. I can never really say no to him, which scares me for many reasons. One is I don’t want Bryan to be my first sex. And he is one horny son of a bitch. Second, I don’t want to go out with him anymore. Three, I really want a boyfriend, but like I said, I can never say no to him. He acted this way the last time he asked me out. He’s gonna do it again. I know he is. Bryan is like my favorite book; I’ve nearly memorized it. Not a good example...he never was my favorite boyfriend. That was him. He knew me too well not to be my favorite. (More than one way. Heh...)

So I finally got Colt to admit he liked me today in Biology. He came up behind me and started playing with my hair. (I love it when people play with my hair! [This will sounds gross…] It’s feels good. :-P)

“I know, Colt. Just admit it. There’s no shame in it.” I said.

“Admit what?” He asked.

“You like me.” Katrina immediately stopped talking to Kendall and Stacy and looked at Colt with a huge smile on her face. I winked at her.

“Uh…as a friend.” He said relatively confidently.

“Honey,” I said grabbing his wrist. “You do. I know you do, and it’d go a whole lot easier for you if you’d just admit it. You fucking sat in my seat when I was in Mackinaw City with my mom on Thursday and Friday. You know I won’t leave you alone until you admit it. You know that, so just admit it.”

He didn’t say anything. “You do, Colt! You told me so!” Katrina blurted out.

“Then I must have been smoking something!” Colt said angrily.

“Sweetheart, you don’t smoke.” I say.

“Shut up!”

“Say it.” I said to him.

Silence. “I like you, Stephanie. Happy?” He said, shook loose from my grasp and sat behind me.

I’m such a bitch. I really pissed him off. But at least I know indefinitely. Now, am I going to act on it? Nah. I can’t see myself with him. I know! It’s so mean! To pull all that shit on him and then not even ask him out. But three confessions in the last week…I have a pick.

My ear is doing better than it was a few nights ago. It was pretty nasty. It got swollen with pus and I put some fish wire because it’s clear and it’s not easily seen, so my parents wouldn’t see it. The infection of whatever it was went away. It’s a little sore, but that’s most.

It’s a new day, but it all feels old.
It’s a good life; that’s what I'm told.
But everything it all just feels the same
And my high school: it felt more to me
Like a jail cell, a penitentiary.
My time spent there it only made me see
That I don’t ever wanna be like you.

-Good Charlotte
“Anthem”