Last night was closing night for the play. When it finished, I was so depressed. Mom said I looked like walking death. I guess Blacker Bart’s character intreaged me, because Dennis and Tavis (That’s his last name, but we call him that instead of Nick.) are both Blacker. I’m falling for Tavis too.

This isn’t like me, to fluctuate like this with guys. I assessed why I liked each guy last night, in hopes to get over all of them. And believe it or not, it worked! Two are left, and truthfully, neither of them is him. He’ll be so relieved.

Dennis is funny. He can make me laugh and we tend to get along. He does flirt an awful lot, which makes me feel betrayed. So down goes Dennis.

Zavy is a great guy. He’s nice, we get along, he gives me countless compliments, and he’s playful. He has a girlfriend, and I know that he wouldn’t find me as interesting as I find him. Not to mention I don’t feel as if I could have a stable relationship with him.

Colt is nice, playful, compassionate, and someone I can get along with easily. Downsides? I don’t think I can really relate to how he looks at life. Not really interested in the same things, even though we share some of the same friends. I tend to disagree when I’m around him though. So he’s impartial.

He knows me. He knows where to touch me, how to make me smile, and well, everything about me. I know I’ll never get him back, and that’s okay. I know how to touch him, how to please him…I’ll spare you the details. Anyway I know that it’ll pass. And truthfully I don’t want Princess in my way. He’s my sex partner. That’s it.

Tavis is awesome. We share the same interests, we make each other laugh, we get along wonderfully, conversation is easy, and I could see myself with him. (Which reminds me! I need to burn a copy of a CD for him. I promised.)Yesterday backstage we were talking about music. He loves rap. It’s my favorite genre. He likes Dr. Dre and Eminem. Ditto. He took lyrics from one song “I’m not like you guys, true majestic lies.” And changed it around to “I’m not like you guys, Blake has sex with guys.” (Blake is Black Bart. We love to make fun of him. Blake returns to favor. It’s all in good humor.) We’re able to share things. We shared a Coke because I didn’t have any money. It was really nice of him.

Dennis was suspended. They found out he set off one of the bottle bombs. I think it’s hilarious. I feel guilty saying that, and I do miss him. I want to call him up and laugh with him. I want to laugh! Let me laugh!