So the final diagnosis is Bronchitis. (After my fourth week of coughing up flem and other nasty things, Mum decided to take me to the doc. Gee, thanks.) I didn't get the codine/morphiene cough medicine, which sucks. I love that stuff. It knocks me flat on my ass and I sleep for hours after taking it. I really want to go sleep, but I don't think I could.

About two weeks ago, Jocelyn, a girl at my table (Punk turned prep. It destroys me from the inside.) asked if I could hang out with the group this summer. "Last summer we didn't want you there, but it might be different this year."

That sent a spear through my heart. It all starts with Prevo's; last years' summer job.

I was vacuuming the carpet by the bottle return and Sue, his mom, walks in. She sees me, smiles, and gives me a huge hug.

"I've missed ya!" She said.

"I've missed you too!" I said back, smiling widely.

"Hey listen, when you get off your shift, you should call the gang. They're all hanging out at the open space to celebrate Cherry Festival. They're at one of those free concerts and entertainment things. He actually said he wanted to see you this morning." She said. "Call his cell. You remember the
number, right?"

"Yeah." I recite it.

"Good." She smiled. "I really hope to see you sooner than another 6 months, Steph. Behave yourself and I'll catch you later."

I bid my farewell and felt my heart get heavy. Before talking to Sue, I was entirely over him. Sue is one of my favorite people in the world. And knowing that I might not see her again, maybe ever, made me have a complete rush of emotions toward him. Excitement, happiness, despair, confusion, love....

When I got off work, it was about 8 pm. a half an hour from when I talked with Sue. I sped home (I have a moped that I use to get to work. It's a hunk of junk, but I couldn't even think of parting with it.), changed my clothes, and called his cell phone.

"Hey Steph." He answered. Ahh, so I guess his caller ID works again.

"Hey! Mom said you wanted to see me." (When we were going out, I always called Sue 'mom'. I felt way more of a connection with her than with my own mother.)

"Yeah." He said. God was it loud in the background.

"Well I'm finally off work. Can I meet you somewhere?" During the previous weeks, a few member of our group called me up and tried to make plans with me. I was entirely booked with work.

"What?" He says to someone in the background. "Oh Darryl wants to talk to you."

"Uh, sure."

Darryl got on and I asked how he was doing. He said fine. "Can I meet you guys somewhere?" I ask.

"No." Darryl said. Darryl is known to joke a lot, but there was nothing joking about his tone of voice.

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"We don't want to meet you anywhere." He said.

I was quiet for a second. It was starting to dawn on me. "We don't want you here." He said.

I went absolutely silent for a good two minutes. I managed to say something stupid (which I can't remember, my emotions were too high) and hung up the phone. I cried for hours on end. When I was done, my eyes were too swollen to get my contacts out, and I could barely breathe.

For the first time, I cut my wrists that night.