I’m so ashamed. I slept in until 12:20 today. That’s so late for me.

So today is the 7th. I’ve known Jake for exactly 1 month today. We’ve gone farther than him and I had in a year and a half, and I love him more than I could have ever loved him.

It’s so stupid of me, but I heard a song over the weekend that I want for my wedding song. It’s called Space Lion and it’s from the anime Cowboy Bebop. I know that the name ‘Space Lion’ sounds odd, like it’d be a really upbeat song with lots of words, but it’s the opposite. It’s got ‘Goodnight Julia’ as the saxophone part and it has a soothing rhythm in the background. Three minutes through it, a quiet verse is repeated in what I assume is Japanese. It’s beautiful. I recommend everyone to download it. It makes me so happy. When I heard it, it immediately reminded me of Jake because he can play ‘Goodnight Julia’ on his saxophone.

What’s even stupider than that is that I’m planning my wedding with help of Rini. I don’t know about my dress yet, but I want my bridesmaids in dresses of scarlet silk. They’re standard tank top dresses that go down the ankle.

My little flower girl, little sister, is going to be wearing something like my flower girl outfit from when I was a flower girl. If I could get my flower girl dress spotlessly clean, I’d have her wear that. It’s cream silk, with little short leaves (a little puffy) and it goes down the ankles. It’s cute. For some reason though, I can’t see her any older than she is right now.

Kendall is to be my maid of honor. My bridesmaids are Rini, Sabrina, and maybe a host sister from wherever I’m going. I’ve not met enough girls I like in this world.

The only problem is my other cousins, what about them being in the wedding? I may need to find another little girl, because I don’t want to seem like I’m playing favorites.

Birthday…drawing closer. I can’t wait. I passed my road test on Thursday, so on December 15 I can finally get my license.

Even if Jake and I were to have conceived that fateful night (though I’m not 100% sure yet, and I’ll find out around Christmas Day), I don’t think I’d be really upset. Sure, it’s be a HUGE bummer, but I'd be having the baby of the man I love.