UPDATE AS OF 8:17 PM- I am beginning my medication tomorrow. If I remember correctly, they started working in near full effect by 3 pm. I can't treat anyone like this with all these mood swings. It's time for me to take responsibilty for my actions. I AM AN ADULT, so I need to act like one.

I want to apologize to everyone who has been a victim of my manic wrath. You'll quickly see that that person isn't me.

*******

It seems like the melting snowbanks are coughing up everything that it had consumed over the winter. Primary blue hair bands. During a walk today throughout all of the downtown region with my beloved, I counted 5 blue hair ties. While walking from my car into Scholar's Hall I saw two. All of them blue. Is blue an 'in vogue' color? Is it symbolism that this life story of mine is playing out? Perhaps it's a sign from God that I should grow out my hair again? Maybe it's nothing and my overactive imagination is getting the better of me?

I'm tired and hungry. I've forgotten to eat today and now I'm shaking terribly. I'd go home to eat, but class is going to start is 30 minutes and seeing as I'm already at the college with a prime parking spot, leaving would be silly. I'd go get food, but I have conveniently forgotten to leave my credit card and check book at the house too. For better comprehension; I'm fucked. I'll probably try to get out of class early. I'm a waste of space in Spanish anyway.

After today, I think I've decided to go on my medication again (great time to decide to do it, seeing as my health insurance premium goes up very soon). I'm constantly paranoid that something bad is going to happen, and this is a feeling I'd rather live without. Granted, I have hard times. Whatever. So does everybody else in the world. I'm not special and I should give others the respect that they deserve.

Ever since that god awful dream I had I'm worried about being left. My promise still stands that if this relationship doesn't work out, I am done looking. I am positive that there isn't anyone else in the world I would ever be truly happy with than him. It gives me a nervous excited feeling.

Oh yeah and you... *taps his screen* I want to let you know something.

About the baby thing and not wanting to wait. I was wrong. I did a lot of soul searching with this subject. A baby is final and there's no returning it. Do I still want one? Yeah, but not yet. I've.... we've got a good thing going and that wouldn't be a good situation to bring upon ourselves. I love you sir and I respect your wishes.

In regards to the future thing too. You seem to not want to talk about it anymore and that's fine too. I think that's what has got me worried. Nah, not really I guess. I want you to be happy.

Oh and it's not that I don't want to talk about this in person, it's just that I don't know when we'll see each other again. Augh, there go my butterflies.

I hope to hear from you on Tuesday? If not, I'll see ya Wednesday for our movie. ^_^* I love you.

Signing off. Chau gente.