Mom: "I'm worried about you. You seem anti-social, and when you act this way, I'm almost always pissed. Like finding piercings in unexpected places....

Me: (rolling her eyes) Go ahead and 'inspect me' but I have nothing to hide (Covers wrists, feeling lucky she can't see anything below her neck).

Mom: Whatever.

Shit, it's like she knows.

I cried at camp today. For about an hour staright after lunch, I cried silently, but kept marhcing and playing. Katie asked what's wrong, and I told her about Zavy, and how things went wrong. She says she know's what it's like. Yeah? I've been through that shit so many times....

I was doing the math yesterday, and it just doesn't add up. With everything that has happened to me, I should be dead. When I was born, my lungs were full of liquid and I couldn't breath. When I was three, I had pnemonia. When I was two, I nearly drown in the bay. Then, with all the dripping blood from my wrists and arms, I should be dead from that too.

But back to the band camp thing. My heart was pounding so hard, I thought it was going to come out of chest that's how much I was hurting. I miss him so much, I nearly pretended faking fainting and going home, just to cry myself to sleep.

Of course, Mark, Jake's brother, the guy I've watched for 4 years now, has gone after another flute player. I'm getting so sick of men. I want to give up.

"We can start our life together,
With the dream instead of giving up.
You can meet your other self,
We can change with just one feeling.
See, let's start from here,
Just start our new life."

"Start In My Life"
Kuraki Mai