Steven started a blog. I was quite intrigued, to enter the mind of a 23 year old who has quite a fling for yours truly. Many things came as a shock, as most who know me, I have the tendency to act quite thick in 'relationships'.

Take this quote for example. ‘I'd discuss Stephanie some more…she is the first person since Mel left that makes me happy…. But, of course there a couple catches. [Age is one] The second catch is her ex. She is so very much hung up on him, that it makes my deal with Melinda seem silly and childish. Nearly every blog entry makes mention of him (or HIM). There is clearly so much hurt there that I feel guilty sometimes for feeling how I do about her.’

’It makes the deal with Melinda so silly and childish’? Now there’s the shock. He went out with Melinda for something like 2 years and is still hung up on her. True, my feeling for him are incredibly intense at times, but I can hide it, and damn well. But, he really can’t hide it.

I know that I am still on the rebound. I’m still recovering from the shit that happened, and I honestly wonder if I’m ready for a relationship with anyone.

"But what about Justin? Isn’t he your boyfriend?" Yes, yes indeed he is, but do you really call it a relationship if you’ve been ‘going out’ for three months and he hasn’t seen me except for once and hasn’t even kissed me? All of my past boyfriends know that I’m not one to go very slowly or let limits really stop me.

I don’t let limits stop me? Then what about Mark, Jake’s older brother? Like I’ve said, he’s way above my status quota when it comes to boyfriends. But I’ve been fawning over him for 4 years now, and it’s just getting stronger. He’s even in band camp with me, and with the heat, I've considered 'fainting' while next to him. Will I ever be able to be with him? Fat chance. I’m too shy to even say anything to him anymore. I used to talk to him….but I’ve changed so much from then.

Then, at band camp, my section leader, Olivia, is just like me. Fed up with the world, very tomboyish, and would rather go out there are kick some ass instead of letting and watching someone else do it. I catch her looking at me sometimes, and I can’t help but admit that sometimes…I look at her. We hang out because we can’t stand the other flute players. They are girly beyond all recognizable belief and it pisses us off, because we’re almost complete opposites from them.

Okay, I feel like I’ve been writing for a very long time, so I leave you here.