Hello and welcome to Michigan This Morning. My name is Stephanie Jones and here's your local forecast. Current temperatures are dipping past zero degrees and accentuating the negatives. At the studio the current temperature is a very respectable negative 17 degrees! Bundle up the kids, parents, because temps like this can freeze bare skin in a matter of minutes. Today around 2:30, a good amount of snow will begin to fall and it'll be an all-out blizzard. Ladies and gentlemen, must I remind you that this weather sucks?

Thank you for joining us for your best local news cast ever, and I said ever dammit! Another snow day, more like low temperature day, is gracing local schools. They couldn't get the busses started because of the low temperatures.

Iraq is being a bitch yet again and won't disarm. ~Throws away paper~ That's not news! That's expected! Guess what will happen next? We'll go and bomb their brains out like we normally do! Welcome to America ladies and gentlemen! Everywhere you turn there's news of war, bombs, and other shit that we really don't care about!

Another person died this morning from burns from the fire in the Rhode Island nightclub bringing the death total up to 98 people. ~Crumples up paper and tosses it at camera~ People die you stupid shits! It's a part of life! LET IT GO.THEY'RE DEAD! JUST LIKE ELVIS!

The FBI has found and arrested a man who helped in 9/11. Now may I ask what in hell the FBI has been doing for the past year and a half?

In India, there is a classic ceremony to join a chicken and a rooster in matrimony. Just for the record, on the honeymoon, the chicken came first. ^_^*

National surveys announce that the most dangerous time for police officers to be out is at night. The second most dangerous…day.

Entertainment news! Eminem was robbed at the Grammy's! He was only given two Grammy's when he should have been given way more! Oh more about Eminem: he's re-marrying Kim after she cheated on him with numerous other men and is currently pregnant with another man's child. Looks like Hailie Jade is out to be a sister.

More news? Nope. I’m Stephanie Jones for Michigan This Morning! I hope you guys have a good day! Drive safely…these roads suck.

~The Partridge Family’s ‘I Think I Love You’ replaces ending important news music~