I hate to think. Thinking leads to self-pity. Self pity leads to suicidal thoughts. Suicidal thoughts leads to suicide attempts. I don't need this. I can't be thinking about this.

I was so deep in thought this morning that I kept thinking about Princess Meri and how much fun we had, then it just....died. I almost cried and then asked Chris how to tell someone that you wanted to be friends again. I was going to apologize to Princess Meri. By lunch, I decided that it was stupid to say that and ask her for her forgiveness and good blessings.

When I got home, I thought more. What she did, how she had my best friends and munipulated her into doing shit against me. I want to cry. I haven't cried in such a long time. I don't want to start. Crying is for pussys. I don't wanna be a pussy. I want to be strong and happy. I want to get this burden off my chest. I want to start crying uncontrollably during class and scream at the top of my lungs. Not at home. At school, where everyone can see their contributions to my insanity.