Yes!!!! I've been moved up in the play! Sure, it doesn't sound exciting, but I'm the understudy. Understudies must memorize the entire play, and when someone dies/ gets sick/can't perform, I'm in baby! I'm strong! I'm so happy I could scream! I had my first rehearsal today, and I am entirely enthralled that I'm with the best of the best in my school! I'm so honored that Mrs. Roerich trusted me to memorize everything.

I'm sick and tired of Kendall and her boyfriend. Everything she says is about him or Stacy. He just said that he loves her this evening. I don't know if it's true, but it just seems so superficial. He’s not a normal guy, and she seemed so entirely desperate for a guy just two weeks ago and was chasing after Colt, a different guy. I must admit that I’m insanely jealous. My stomach turns and it seems like I need to bolt for the bathroom and throw-up.

When he told me he loved me, I knew for damn sure it was true. Everyone could sense our bond and actually asked if he had said that to me before it happened. I really wondered when he was going to say it. I remember that we were at the mall, right after a movie we went to. We were waiting for our parents to pick us up (goes to show us how young we were, okay…maybe it was just 2 years ago, but we acted young!) when I heard him say it. “I love you.” He said. My heart pounded, my hands got sweaty, and I began to smile. I turned around and looked at him. His face had this soft expression. “I love you too.”

I haven’t said I love you since. It’s so…upsetting. I can’t believe how much it tears me from inside. I cut my wrists last night. He saw and he looked almost happy. “You really should stop doing that.” He said.

“I haven’t done it since you asked me to stop, so be happy. It’s been nearly 4 months.” I said. I felt terrible. I wondered if he honestly was going to be kinder to me. Like talk more to me, or be somewhat sympathetic. Instead…he looked happy. I felt a sick flash, that quickly went away when I stopped looking at him.

I can't get out of bed today,
Or get you off my mind.
I just can't seem to find a way,
To leave this love behind.
I ain't trippin,
I'm just missing.
You know what I'm saying,
You know what I need.

-Stacie Orrico
“Stuck”