I had only been in school for 15 minutes, when saw him, looking down at the ground, and walking toward me. (He always walks like that...just to let you know.) I tapped him with my flute. He said hey, and then all of a sudden, Princess Meri starts yelling things at him and smiling. I snapped.

“SHUT UP!” I screamed at the top of my lungs at her. The hallway went quiet, well, quieter than usual. People looked at me like I was something that should be chained to the wall. I was at the end of my short, goddamned ropes with her. I’m so tired of her! If she were the only person in the hallway, I really would have killed her. I’ve been going to his one website (compliments of him) that has ways to kill a person with your bare hands. It’s kind of depressing, because I’ve been put in some of those positions before.

Even after slitting my wrist last time, I didn’t get much attention from him. It was all Princess Meri. I got a “You shouldn’t do that’. No shit I shouldn’t do that. Somehow I think that I’ll get him back if he sees it. I know I never will be his significant other ever again, so why am I even trying? I’ve decided to ignore interaction with people as much as possible.

Today at lunch however, he kept making me laugh. Every time he’d look away, I’d start laughing, which I doubt he knew. My head was down, and I tried to sleep, but I was laughing so hard. Countless times, he got to eye level with me, and laid his head down. Princess Meri, as always, never did stop talking.

What am I doing wrong? I still want people to like me. Who doesn’t? I know I most likely fucked it up for good, considering last year and how depressed I was. I didn’t care if I had any friends anymore it seemed, so I was just rude. I’m different, and people can’t see past how I used to be. Nor can I blame them, because I’m exactly the same way. If someone treats me like shit, I hold it against them. (Except boyfriends and close guy friends in general. Boyfriends tend to hurt me the most, and yet, all of my boyfriends except one have become very close friends after it was over.)

I don’t want to go to Farewell Freshmen anymore. I was so excited about it for this year too. I was hoping that I could pluck up the courage to ask him to go with me, but there are three problems with this. I don’t have nearly enough courage, I don’t want to be rejected, and why in hell would I ask while I already know the answer to. I just don’t know how to break it to my mother. She’s so excited in making me look like a movie star. We actually made a conversation out of what I was going to wear to this soiree, what I was going to do my hair like, dates, and everything in between.

Oh dear god these can't be tears rolling down my cheeks....