I wrote this last night at 11:00

Hey sweetheart,

I don’t expect a response, because I don’t intend on sending this to you. You probably don’t know or care about this, I’m so so sick of crying myself to sleep at night, so tonight, I’ll try something a little different.

People think I’m crazy, Love. Following you around for the third year in a row as of today. When I saw you walk in that classroom, I never would have guessed that three years from that night, I would be writing this with tears running down my cheeks as they are now.

Three years ago today, your father was still alive, I met you, I started falling for you, and started separating myself from Blanchard. Two years ago today, we were at Eastern, playing baseball and going into the woods with Ariana. It’s was just the beginning of us. Do you remember how much fun we had together? We’d laugh for hours.

And then of course the dreaded one year ago. The last 9 days of out relationship were numbered, and I was too thick to see it. Damn Bryan. Damn me. I fucked it all up. I didn’t know how good I had it with you.

Now there is today. I’m worshipping you behind your back. I have a picture of us together at a dance by my bed. I look at it every night, smile, and fight a losing battle with tears.

Do you know how many times I thought I was going to marry you? You know how many times others thought I was going to marry you? A lot, Love, a lot. It was a classical cliché, two kids (though I always thought one…our Andy), nice house, good sex life, successful, yet stressful jobs. They all said the same thing. It’s like there was a conspiracy to entertain my wildest dreams. They most likely were of course….

It’s so lame to say it, but I can’t live my life without you. It hurts to see you and know the things I do. I’m not stupid sweetheart, I know what goes on. This isn’t a life anymore, it’s a drama to keep others entertained. It’s a sea of memories and things people said and it’s roaring in my ears.

I need you, Love. There’s no simple way to put it. I need you.