Ariana AKA: Rini got into contact with me today.

Rini: Hiya Pan-Chan! How’s your summer going?

Me: Okay I guess. I kinda miss school. I never see you guys at work.

Rini: Awww Panny-Chan is lonely! We have to get together then!

Me: Uh….

Rini: Wait! At 4:30 I’m going to the beach with the guy cheerleader, Cody and Sarah. Wanna come?

Me: (Wary) Are they the only ones coming?

Rini: Yep! So are you coming?

Me: (suddenly not so excited to go) Yeah, it'd be cool, but I dunno. I wasn't really invited so I'll stay here.

Rini: No! Come! They won’t mind, and if they do, who cares because I just invited you!

Me: I dunno.

Rini: I’ll call Sarah and tell her that you’re coming!

Me: Don’t bother. It’s okay. Really, I’m quite content sitting at home, playing my flute.

Rini: Okay. That’s cool. So did you finish the 5th Harry Potter?

I really wanted to go. If not for any other reason than to just sit on the beach, close my eyes and pretend I was like the Little Mermaid. Prince Eric would come, sit next to me, tell me my singing was beautiful, only to be matched by my looks (Yeah right).

Why am I recessing? I’m becoming little miss Independent again.

I can see myself standing in a room in shorts and a guys shirt that says ‘Old Navy’ on it and could easily fit my father. My hair is in pigtails and I’m staring down at my sandals. I feel like such a child. I’m feeling scolded. I’m feeling words pour into my ears.

“He never loved you! Why don’t you go die!”

“Look at her! All she does is stand there! She’s worthless!”

“I can’t believe I ever talked to her. What a waste of time!”

“She could have saved herself a lot of trouble is she just would have ended it like she wanted to in the 6th grade!”

And I wake up and I’m screaming. My face is covered in tears and it hurts. It hurts like my whole face is cut and my tears are lemon juice.

I cannot breathe.

I cannot focus.

Get me out.

Don’t touch me.

Don't look at me.

Hold me back from death, and when I recoil, just hold me just you always did.