I haven’t written in ages it feels. To compensate, you’ll find a longer entry than usual.

On Friday night, I went to a party. Yes, it was the Harry Potter party. I was kind of babysitting that night, and I had to follow around the girl named Hailey. While there however, a young man, of my age came up to me. He had on an untamable wig and matching beard. His pants and button up shirt were torn.

“Who am I?” He asked me. I smiled and sipped my caramel mocha. “Hagrid.” I said.

“Yeah! You hafta be Hagrid!” Said Hailey most definitely.

He sighed, sounding agitated. “No! I’m Lupin! In his werewolf form!”

I raised an eyebrow, then laughed. “I see it! That’s really very clever of you.”

“I don’t.” Hailey said bluntly. She began to smack me with her wand on my back.

“What’s your name?” I asked the werewolf after 10 second of staring at each other, and nothing coming out.

“Cory.” He said. I smiled widely.

“Do you like anime?” I asked. This could be my chance. If he liked anime, he could truly be the coolest guy in the store.

“Hell yeah I like anime.” He said.

“Stephie,” Hailey whined. “I wanna go do something.”

I looked back from Hailey to Cory. “Yeah, I really hope I see you again tonight.” He said.

When Hailey and I walked away, she kept hitting me with her wand. “You like him!” Hailey said, giggling. “I shoulda told him. That woulda been soooo funny!”

I smiled at this. “Yeah…it kind of would have been funny.”

“You should ask him out.” She said matter-of-a-factly. Christ, was I that irritating at the age of ten?

Hailey and I floated around the music section, occasionally stopping to discuss musicians. She turned out not to have such terrible taste in music. She loves Good Charlotte, Norah Jones, and a few others. She listed off a few punk rock bands. I was surprised that her mother lets her listen to some of those lyrics.

“Let’s go find your lover, Cory.” She said giggling.

We went through the store, stopping occasionally to check if any manga had arrived since I had been there last. While by the information counter, Hailey went into what seemed like a fit of convulsions. “There he is! He’s right there!” She began jumping up and down.

“Calm down child! Do you really want to see him that badly?” I asked her.

She grabbed my shirt and dragged me over to him.

“Hello again.” Cory said, now taking off his beard and wig. His front tooth was severely chipped, and his lip was cracked in the center, as if it were so chapped that it split apart. His hair was jet black, except for the grown out bleached blond parts. It went down to about the tops of his ears. His eyes were blue (WHAT’S UP WITH ME AND BLUE EYES?! Zavy is the only I liked who didn’t have blue eyes!). All in all, I found him very attractive.

“She likes you.” Hailey blurted out excitedly. I noticed that her large soda had nothing left in it.

“Gee thanks Hailey! I hissed to her.

“Really?” He said, eyeing me again with a trace of a smile on his face. “Can I get your number?” I nodded. He ran off to get some paper and a pencil. When he returned, he handed me to piece of paper. I had never given anyone my phone number under these circumstances before. Meeting someone in a public place like this, catching vibes, and giving him my number. I’ve longed for it, and yet it never happened.

….Well, once, but I was 13, at the mall with Ariana, and talking to him on a pay phone. I was so caught up with him, I told him to go fuck off. It’s probably a good thing too, because he stalked poor Rini and me.

But getting back to subject, Cory wants to go out on a date with me. Rick and I are broken up. I would say it’s not a big loss, because it wasn’t as a boyfriend, but as a friend, I miss him terribly, even if he was a bit of an ass.

Okay so I read my book. I finished it in 24 hours. Wasn’t that hard either. God did I cry for the last three chapters. This especially got me going. Harry was going through his trunk the day after Sirius has died. He was missing him wretchedly. He found a poorly wrapped package in a corner. He opened it and found a mirror.

He turned the mirror over. There on the reverse side was a scribbled note from Sirius.

“This is a two-way mirror. I’ve got the other. If you need to speak to me, just say my name into it; you’ll appear in my mirror and I’ll be able to talk in yours. James (Harry’s dead father) and I used to use them when we were in separate detentions.”

And Harry’s heart began to race…. He looked around to make sure there was nobody else there; the dormitory was quite empty. He looked back at the mirror, raised it in front of his face with trembling hands and said loudly and clearly, “Sirius.”

His breath misted the surface of the glass. He held the mirror even closer, excitement flooding through him, but the eyes blinking back at him through the fog were definitely his own.

He wiped the mirror clear again and said, so that every syllable rang clearly through the room, “Sirius Black!"

Nothing happened…. ‘Sirius didn’t have his mirror on him when he went through the archway,’ said a small voice in Harry’s head. ‘That’s why it’s not working…’

Harry remained quite still for a moment, the hurled the mirror back into the trunk where it shattered. He had been convinced, for a whole shining minute, that he was going to see Sirius, talk to him again….

Jesus, here I go again!

So I cut myself the other night. Blood has never dripped before, but it was running down my arm. It didn’t scare me even remotely. That night was terrible. I would have traded just about anything in the world to die. Then Zavy called and we talked until three in the morning. He helped, though I’m not over it. But it’s time to sleep, and I’ve typed three pages.

I really wonder if I’m crying because Sirius died, or because I’m so fucking lonely.