I’m not depressed much anymore, but today was a bitch to get through. I got myself a new razor, because I’d used the old one so much that it wouldn’t even cut paper. I’m surprised how long I was able to use it for.

Steven got in contact with me today. He told me that he wanted to see me again. I told him that I was scared something was going to happen like last time. He promised not to. My guilt level soared. I said I’m looking for a relationship. I want someone to be there for me, to make me smile, to make me laugh, pull me into a hug and tell me how much I mean to him. He said he was capable. I said no, and that I was sorry. He said he was too.

On Wednesday, I went to work around 2:35. Maureen wanted me to close. I turned the corner on my moped and saw a sexy car, with an even sexier driver,

“Stephanie!” The hot driver shouted and waved to me. I recognized him immediately. It was Mark Kerchart, Jake’s older brother. Jake was a close friend of mine in elementary school, but I never really got to see him much after I went into the 8th grade. He moved into the U.P. in October of that year. Before then, Jake and I were almost always together.

Jake was a crybaby though. If you’d say a joke towards him, he’d get upset, maybe even cry. If you’d hit him, ditto.

But going back to Mark as well. I was shocked that they came from the same gene pool. They weren’t even half-brothers or stepbrothers, full-blooded brothers is what they are. Mark was tall (about 6’ 2” in the 9th grade), skinny, clear and bright blue eyes, mature looking, brown, almost black hair, straight teeth, fiery personality…he was like this beautiful god in some fairy tale of life. I pined for him day and night! My closest friends can vouch for that.

Little Jake on the other hand, was same size as me (for a guy, that’s pretty short), medium build, geeky looking glasses, blue eyes flecked with brown, crooked teeth, sandy tan hair, and looked like a little boy. We got along surprisingly well, until I’d push him playfully.

“God,” I whisper to myself as I increased the speed on my moped. “I really hope that it wasn’t Mark!”

So I went to work, vacuumed, dusted, cleaned bathrooms, and so on. I got home around 5 and changed into an old sweatshirt and PJ pants. Around 8 pm I went to the fridge to get a pudding. A knock on the door came, and I glanced through the window. Involuntarily, my body seized up. Was that the hot, sexy, beautiful, gorgeous Mark Kerchart on my fucking doorstep?!

I dropped my pudding in shock. I nervously took out my ponytail and re-did it. Carefully and slowly I opened the door. I peeked out nervously. His face softened when I opened the door all the way.

“Stephanie?” His voice came out softly.

‘This isn’t Mark,’ I thought. ‘This guy’s eyes are different. They’re blue with…brown flecks.’

“Jake?” I whispered in utter shock. He nodded and smiled widely. I laughed and threw my arms around him, we held each other for a while. “Oh my god!” We kept saying to each other.

He’d changed so much! He looked amazing and had lost the glasses. His personality went through the roof and he was so much more fun to be with!

So we spent all of Thursday afternoon together. We went out on my moped, and stopped for gas. When in the gas station, we saw condoms, and contemplated getting them because we wanted to see the reaction of the clerk (Oh come on! We had extra money to burn!). The guy ahead of us in line saw what we were doing. When we had paid and went outside, the man who was ahead of us tapped me on the shoulder and said: “Aren’t you a little young to be fooling around and having sex?” We started laughing.

He’s no longer sensitive if you can’t tell. In fact, when we were just hanging out in his room downstairs and listening to music, I smacked him with a pillow. He whacked me over the head. At this time, he tackled me and pinned me to the bed and I couldn’t stop laughing.

“Do you know how bad it would look if anyone walked in and saw this?” I asked, gasping for breath after laughing so hard.

“I don’t care, and they’d probably think nothing of it. Now if this was you, they might freak out. You’re just worried about Mark and your chances with him!” He said.

“Nuh uh!” I whined. “I beg to differ. I’m not worried about Mark.”

His original plans said that he would have left this morning, but he asked his parents if he could stay another week because he was able to get in contact with me. He never called me with his response. So he may be in town, he may not. He’s had plans everyday this weekend from Friday to today. His sister was having a graduation party on Saturday, and on Friday, he had to stay with his family all day.

Yeah I wanna hang out with him, but he’s here for family, not me. That’s cool.

Colt kissed me, just to let ya know. Last day of school, last two minutes of being a freshman.