My mind is heavy. Too many things weigh upon it. With a combination of my five confessions, him and Princess Meri, deciding to be nice to Princess Meri, Ariana talking about getting a boyfriend (which would draw Ariana even closer to Princess than they are now, she even has one picked out, and she knows he likes her), everything really.

At lunch, I got s confused by everything; I put my head down and talked to myself, forgetting completely that I wasn’t covering up my British ethnicity in my voice. It usually helps a lot, to hear my own voice talk about my body’s own demise. I’m actually very optimistic when I talk to myself. Even when I say repeatedly that the ‘special someone’ will never love me, I always feel so much better.

But I had my head down and I repeated: “He won’t love me, he loves her, I love him, I hate her. It’s a goddamn love triangle.” I shivered. I got depressed. I don’t get it!

Most would say, “No wonder you’re depressed! Listen to how you speak!” No no no! You don’t understand! This makes me feel better! Okay, yeah I’m a fruit. Whatever. Grasping reality I guess.

…. Later.