I had a dream last night...

It was during band camp and Allison, my drum major and I were having one on one flute sessions. I was the 'teacher' of course. She was playing my flute because she forgot hers at home that day.

Suddenly, her face isn't as cheerful, her smile isn't as bright. She sets my flute on a jacket on the floor. She says she'll be back in a minute. I look out the second story window from the sitting on the floor. Allison doesn't come back for a while. I look down at Chibi (my old flute) and get worried. I follow the path that Allison took, leaving my old flute on the jacket she set it on.

I finally end up in the band room again, hoping that she was in there. Everyone looks at me when I enter. No one looks angry, sad, or any other emotion. In fact they were totally void of emotion, but they were all standing still and whispering.

"What's going on?" I ask Laura Piskor, the trumpet section leader.

"Annie, Allison killed herself." She said. I was shocked that Laura wasn't crying. Her and Allison were friends.

My eyes fill with tears. I'm so incredibly hurt. I was shocked at how much I hurt because she wasn't alive. In my suicide note I wrote a few weeks ago, I told her that I knew she talks behind my back and it hurts me.

I look over at Audrey. Surely she would be sobbing uncontrolably like I was, she was her best friend. She was void of emotion too. I ran back upstairs to the place Allison and I practiced in the hallway. I picked up Chibi and held her, crying madly.

Allison's face crossed my mind. Her hair was golden blonde, and in pigtails. There wasn't a smile on her face, but a look of knowledge, and suddenly I knew she felt the way I felt when I tried to kill myself. I felt awful.

I slept in that spot that night.

The next morning, school had started, and I skipped class all day. I talked to Kyle, and after talking to him, I realized i was the only one mourning Allison's death. No one else really even gave a shit.

Then I woke up.

I think when I see Allison on Monday, I'll want to hug her...but I know I won't. I'll want to apologize, and I know I won't. So it'll be the old standby. She'll talk about me to Audrey about me, but I'll be different.

I'll know that if Allison died tomorrow, how devistated I'd be.