Jacob and I talked until about midnight last night, and god that was great. We talked about everything, and he's really serious on a commitment with me. He's hoping he can find a place up here and possibly go to Central with me when he get's back from exchange! I can't tell you when I've ever been happier. Okay I can, but that was the three days I was with him in Tustin.

I got so depressed today during lunch because I didn't have anyone with me that I could really talk to. Valerie is pissed at me because I told her she needs to not be so busy, I wanted to avoid Rick because he's really getting on my case, and I'm certainly NOT going to sit with him. I haven't talked to him since the night I cut my wrists and took a mouthful of aspirin. Ya know, I still wonder how I was able to get down that much aspirin that night.

Anyway I stayed in the band room and wrote. Coincidently enough, Rick was avoiding me, because I've been known to have a nasty temper with him. But that's not really the coincidence. It's the fact that he too stayed in the band room.

As I write this, I sit on my bed, looking at a picture of my 9th grade class on the wall. The jocks in the back row, with their shirt sleeves rolled up to show off their 'muscles', the stoners in the front row and up the middle, the preps in the second and third rows, the wannabes scattered here and there...then I look and see Kendall and I, four rows up. Her tongue is hanging out like she was gagging and she was looking at the preps. My arms is around her shoulders and I'm smiling mischievously.

I love her and miss her terribly, but sometimes I think that there has to be a reason why she moved. The power that controls my life might actually have a plan for me. Is it possible do you think? I can tell you one thing. She lives near Jacob, and when I go to visit her, I can guarantee you that I'll be at Jacob's house too. It's like killing two birds with one stone. It's a beautiful thing.

I apologize for the gushing and the excitement, but this is truely amazing. I feel loved, and nothing really even needs to be said to prove it. I can hear it in his voice.

Where have you been all my life?