I haven't talked all day today. I'm not sure if it's a good sign or not. Usually, the day before I cut my wrists. I want to do it again. I won't lie about that. It's hard to believe but I'll cut my wrists so I could get into a therapy home. I really want to know what it's like. If I were there now, i still wouldn't be talking. I wouldn't talk to anyone. No one the whole time.

Shelby came up to me earlier and pulled my pigtails. I winced, but she didn't notice. She came next to me and asked me why I wasn't talking. I shrugged. Shrugging is the answer to all my problems when not talking. She 'tsk'ed and said "What? Suddenly you're too good to talk? You think your some kind of god or something?".

No Shelby, I'm just a crazy bitch.

When I was sitting at lunch today, I actually read instead of listening to the conversations. Whenever I looked up from my book, I halucinated. I could hear someone whispering in my ear. I could see him across the lunch room and he was looking at me and talking. I knew he was right beside be, but I didn't want to see two of the same person. His mouth matched the words being whispered into my ear. I shivered. It was such an odd feeling. I got back to reading my book though, and it went away.

On more than one occasion, it felt like the room was floating, and I looked at everyone's face to see if they noticed. They didn't. On another occasion, the lights flashed, and the room went black. But it was split second, and I wasn't blinking.

I feel trapped inside my own head. That's not bad, because no one can hurt me inside my head. But it is bad because I'll end up hurting myself.