I've been wearing a mask all day. Outside I look so happy, but the inside feels like writhing snakes and I feel like I should just die. I cried on my bus. I cried on my way home from the bus stop. I cried when I got home. I've been crying for the past hour now. I want to die.

Kendall isn't there. She never again will be. I lost my best friend. I lost my security.

I wrote in school today and I meant to put it on here, so here we go.

'I'm in the principal's office. I know I'm not in trouble, but I can't help but to be nervous. Maybe it's the 'important' business hum of the copier, or maybe even the smell. Have you noticed how every school office has a smell?

I think the most likely reason that I'm nervous is because of my fear of authority. A pat on the head is pretty much a reward. I was trained well I suppose. Mummy and Daddy should be proud.

My seat is warm, a sure sign I've been here for a while. I keep thinking about him. I get even more nervous. My stomach is queasy. I love him....don't I?'

I know this is getting pretty long, but I need someone/something to talk to. He's talking to me right now. Telling me not to do it. Telling me not to cut myself. He says that he's gotten 'many requests' to talk to me about it. People have seen the scars and the new cuts I guess. I ask him who and he changes the subject. He's so full of shit. No one really cares.

He'll never fucking love me so therefore, there isn't a reason to live. I know it sounds stupid, but it's true. He's my only hope. Kendall is gone, he's gone, I'm gone. Later.