Dear Dad,

You don't know anything about me. You think I'm the town slut, and yet I'm the most innocent little girl this world has to offer. You got two things wrong there you shit. I'm no slut, and I sure as hell ain't innocent. I never will be.

I'll never be your little Christian girl. I'M NOT A CHRISTIAN AND YOU KNOW IT. SO STOP ACTING LIKE I AM. Even Mum has a better grip on reality than you do. I can tell her things. Truthfully, if you weren't my father, you'd be dead right now. I wish Mum would divorce you so you don't get to see me often. I want to find the marriage license and prenuptual agreement and BURN THEM (you don't even know how much I like fire!). I want to burn down the bank that holds our fortune, so we have to move into a tiny apartment. More like you have to move into an apartment. I could easily live in his closet or live under his bed. That would be the life I want.

You're always hitting on other women than Mum. Name a few? Elizabeth, Felicity, Marisa, Alica, and every single client and wife-to-be who walk into your office. Ring a couple bells? You asshole. My Mum is supposed to be the only one in your life. So why isn't she?

And why the hell did you drink my NYQUIL to get drunk? You selfish bastard! Asshole! You're so terrible I want to kill you sometimes! Leave me out of your life!