I hate the feeling that one minute, someone loves you and then the next minute they pretend they don't even know you. Why does life do shit like this to you? And why does it seem to happen more when your so upset, you couldn't care less what happend to you?

I wonder if I'm ever gonna get married. Even if I didn't get married, then I'm going to be a mother. I'll either have a one night stand and get pregnant or adopt a newborn. I want a little person in my life right now. Little sister doesn't really count since I never see her. I don't want a child of my own, but I'd kill for a baby sibling.

Me and him had a pregnancy scare a while back, two years ago in July. We didn't have sex, but it was possible that I could have been pregnant. It's a very long story. I never told anyone this, but I really wanted to be pregnant. I had dreams at night that I actually gave birth to our child. It was a baby boy, and he named him Andrew. Andrew looked just like him, but he had my eyes, a brownish green color. He was a beautiful little boy, and I loved him so much. When I woke up, I began to miss my little Andy.

I'm going to bed, maybe I'll see Andy again. He's not in my dreams much anymore. I can't believe I miss the little boy I never had.