I summoned the tarot cards again, because I'm getting very impatient. Believe it or not, they said to ruin my own life I wanted to. Patience brings what I'll want they say. Bullshit. God dammit.

My happy stage did go to shit. I think it's the season. It's just so wintery and shit. I have fun and everything, but I'm just not happy with life anymore. Unhappy about my appearance. Unhappy about who likes me. Unhappy about who doesn't.

To all your friends, you're delirious
So consumed in all your doom
Trying hard to fill the emptiness
The piece is gone and the puzzle undone
That's the way it is

You are beautiful no matter what they say
Words won't bring you down
You are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words won't bring you down
Don't you bring me down today...

-"Beautiful" Christina Aguilera

I'm not exactly a fan of hers, but I really know how it is adjusting to stuff.

I wanna call him. I really should, but I just hate calling there anymore. It's kind of embarressing when he asks "what did you call for?". I can't say anything right or wrong when I answer. I wanna ask if he wants to go to the mall tomorrow. We've been planning on it for about three weeks, and it hasn't been pulled off. I can't ask him, then I'll seem desprite.

I'm sleeping with the dog he gave me. It smells like him. Kendall thinks somethings up with him. He's acting a little strange, I must admit, but it's good. He's more fun this way.

So don't bring me down today....